Love The Classics

Dear Sir,

     I hope this letter finds you in good health. This letter may come as a surprise as we have not been formally introduced. I do beg your pardon for being so forward.
However, I sincerely felt that it was a necessity for me to pen this letter. Allow me to refresh your memory, if I may.
     Our paths crossed, rather literally too, 6 weeks ago. I was in the carriage in the lane next to yours when you decided, for your own good reason, I am sure, to suddenly swerve into my lane. A move that I found both unnecessary and extremely dangerous.
     Forgive my rather harsh language, but that was very ungentlemanly of you. Thank Heavens, I was able to avoid any mishaps, but you did incur my wrath. I know that it is not very ladylike of me, but your behaviour was far from gentlemanly .
     I pray that we do not meet again, good sir, for I fear for your safety should we cross paths again. I may not be able to stop myself from shooting you with my dear papa's hunting rifle.
Good day.


With my sincerest good wishes,

Miss X

Not-So-Fresh Grad Looking For Pretty Much Any Legal Profession, But Writing Would Be Fabulous

Dear Future Employer,

   I'm certain that by now you are sick and bored to tears of reading boring old resumes and such. So I'm not going to list my accomplishments, skills and such (because let's face it, half of those will be lies anyway).
   I will simply tell you a little about myself and let you judge me (but really, judging people is not really a nice thing to do, is it?). Maybe judge is the wrong word to use. Let me rephrase that - I will simply tell you a little about myself and let you decide if I would be a positive addition to your company.
   First, I am a very positive person and love to motivate those around me. For example, whenever I go shopping with my friends and they see a top they like but are not sure if it would suit them, I motivate them to try it first and see for themselves. We are our own worst critic after all and I always offer positive, yet truthful, comments. After all, trust is a very important factor in all relationships. So I would make a great salesperson, motivational speaker, telemarketer from this characteristic alone.
   Secondly, I am never satisfied with mediocre performance and am always pushing myself to do better. For example, whenever I play games on Facebook, such as Scramble or Geo Challenge, I am never satisfied with my score. I know I can do better and push myself to improve my score every single time I play. Obviously, this would apply to my work ethics as well. However, because of this drive to better myself, sometimes multi-tasking may be a problem. I throw myself completely into one task, so if you give me many things to do at once, I may take a little longer to complete them. But only because I want to do the absolute best that I can. Not because I'm lazy.
   In addition to that, I am obviously dedicated. I am dedicated to shopping, reading, chocolates and sleeping. I do all of those extremely well, and in fact, consider myself an expert on these matters. I would make a great personal shopper, reader, chocolatier, and sleep study patient.
   I am also a very fast and willing learner. When my friends taught me to bake, I picked it up quickly and went on to experiment further and learn new recipes. My philosophy is that there are so many things out there just waiting to be discovered. Some of the things I plan on learning include archery, kayaking, knitting and the piano. That makes me very versatile so you may place me in whatever position you feel would fit me, but I can also cover for others when the need arises. I would make a good baker, and once I learn the things I listed, a baker who can shoot arrows while kayaking and playing the piano while knitting. I could even be an international spy.
   My other skills include applying make-up beautifully, knowing what jewellery would complement which outfit, knowing where the best desserts are, and many, many more.
I thank you for your time and hope you will consider me for the position. I look forward to hearing from you.


Sincerely,

[Illegible scribble]

Just Around The Corner

   Hi. Let me start by introducing myself. I have no name, but I do exist. I have no form, yet I have power and strength. My presence may not be welcomed, and in fact, most people reject me. But I am here.

   I am the darkness inside. 

   Right now, I am inside her and I am growing stronger by the day. She feels me and she fights me. Sometimes she wins and I retreat, but I am never gone. I am always here, and always waiting for the day when she no longer has the strength and will to reject me. More and more, she is struggling. She feels my grip on her and she is afraid. I know her every thought. 

   I know when she looks in the mirror sometimes she hates what she sees. She refuses to accept that she is the person in the mirror. She thinks she should change her hair, or lose weight - anything to change the image staring back at her. But she is lying to herself. I know why she hates what she sees. It has nothing to do with her hair or weight or complexion. For you see, she sees me now. She sees me in her empty eyes and unsmiling mouth.

   And it frightens her. 

   When she feels me holding her heart, she pushes me away. She keeps me away by trying to smile and laugh. Sometimes she stops fighting for a while and I can feel her suffocate. She wants to go far away from here because she thinks she can leave me behind. But I know she feels me in her blood - a fact that brings her much despair.

   She feels weak, yet she keeps hoping. I know she is struggling to fight me off, yet she puts a smile on her face when she has to face the world. She is a rather interesting person.

   Perhaps I shall wait a little while longer before completely consuming her.

There's A Goblin Dancing Across My Shower Taps

For further information on goblins, please click here.

The reason I am convinced that there is at least one goblin living in this house, particularly in our bathroom is...

Every single time I get the water to reach that perfect balance of hot and cold...

The water will turn very, very cold about 5 seconds later...

Which results in me twiddling with the "hot" tap a little bit...

Which results in me getting my scalp scalded about 2 seconds later...

Which then results in me jumping out of the water's way, while desperately turning the "hot" tap crazily in the other direction...

Which makes me wonder now...

It is amazing that I have not slipped on the tiles [knock wood]...

I hate that goblin.

[It's apparently not the taps as the plumber said everything was working perfectly.]

It must be a goblin.

It's probably the brother or uncle to the other goblin who dances across my keyboard...

Making me type words like "unvle" and "wordks" and "wafgle"...

Or "I do hipe yoy consuder my apploctioon for thid positon"...

I want to shoot these goblins.

But I don't have a gun.

Because Ads Can Be Fully Trusted

I was just visiting my blog, with no intent on writing a post.
But I noticed that my ad [buried under the sidebar columns] said...

"I Hate My Life" - An Essay Offering, etc.

I assume this is following my recent rather depressing-sounding posts.
However, I do not hate my life.
I just have many, many issues... part of my device to keep life interesting.
This ad, like the ad promising quick weight loss, is a lie.

[The weight loss, while quick, comes back to bite you in the a$$ twice as fast.]

I do like those ads featuring doughnuts and ice-cream, though. *grin, grin*

[Oh, maybe that's why the weight came back.]

When Even Google Doesn't Have The Answers

How do you catch up when you've been left so far behind?

How do you fill in the missing pieces when you have no idea where or what those missing pieces are?

How do you stay strong enough to keep going?

Catharsis

Oops, I can feel my smile fading

Oops, I think my mask is slipping

Oops, I think the tears are coming

Oops, I can feel the smooth veneer cracking

Oops, I hear the poison spreading

Oops, I know the words you're saying

Oops, I see the sugar melting

Oops, I think I see the real you

Oops, it seems you don't like me very much after all

Oops, it seems I don't like you very much after all

Oops, I think I don't care

Oops, I want you out of my life

Oops, was I too harsh with you?

Oops, did I hurt your feelings?

Oops, did I somehow make you think I care?

Oops, am I making you uncomfortable?

Oops, I made a big mistake

Oops, I let you into my life

Oops, I shared my secrets with you

Oops, I trusted you

Oops, I loved you

Be nice all you want

I'm not falling for that again

Thanks for the tears

And the lesson

I don't hate you

I hate the person I am when you're in the picture

So I'm tearing up that picture

And walking away

Road Block, Shower Block, Writer's Block

I have the dreaded Writer's Block.
It's horrible.
I haven't been able to write much without deleting it all.
I think I know why I have it.
It's not because of the usual lack of inspiration.
It's because something has happened recently that has made me really angry, upset and all sorts of other negative emotions.
And I am consumed by these emotions though I try hard to fight them.
I just can't figure out how to get rid of these negative vibes.
Just when I think I've finally let go, they come back and slap me.
I'm really disappointed in myself for letting such an insignificant thing bother me so much.
*sigh*