Farewell, Monkey

I told the monkey on my back, "My, you're getting heavy."

He bared his teeth at me and threw a banana in my face.

I tried to push him away. He really was weighing me down. Plus, I don't appreciate having fruit crushed on my face.

His expression changed from angry to deeply saddened with the blink of an eye.

I attempted to console him. "I know, monkey. I've carried you for so long and you are a part of me, but we must part."

He refused to look at me.

"When we met, I was still standing upright. Now the burden of keeping you for so long has caused me to stoop and hunch over. If this goes on, I'll be forced to crawl on my knees. Please understand."

He looked at me, eyes full of accusation and contempt.

I sighed. "You forced me to do this."

Uncertainty danced across his face.

I lit a match and lit him on fire. He was going down, one way or another.

He clung on tightly as the flames consumed him, so the flames would consume me too.

I merely smiled. The heat was melting years of icy numbness sealing my heart. When his screams finally burned away, I jumped into the lake.

Farewell, monkey.

I fell freely towards the bottom, eyes shut. When I felt the tug of life, once again calling to me, I resurfaced.

Farewell, guilt.

Hello, future.

The Magic Is Gone

I used to be afraid of the dark.

I would wake up in a panic if the room was shrouded in darkness.

Now I can only go to bed if the lights are out.

The light irritates me now.

The magic is gone.

The Labyrinth

It's been awhile.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I like what I see.

More often than not, I don't recognize what I see.

Sometimes I feel like the Ring Master.

More often than not, I feel like a clown.

Sometimes I feel like I hold the world in my hand.

More often than not, I feel like everything is slipping away.

Sometimes I feel like I'm on display at the zoo.

More often than not, I feel invisible.

Sometimes I feel the world around me is going crazy.

More often than not, I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Sometimes I feel like I have all the love in the world.

More often than not, I feel alone.

Sometimes I feel like I'm nice.

More often than not, I feel like the complete opposite.

Sometimes I feel like throwing a glass against the wall.

More often than not, I just keep silent.

Sometimes I feel like I'm home.

More often than not, I want to run away.

Sometimes I feel brave.

More often than not, my resolve crumbles.

Ah, yes.

It's been awhile.

Nutrition For My Eyes

For a good friend, ScoMan.

Thanks for all the wonderful support.

Black Is The Colour Of My Mind

What once was, is now fragments of fleeting memories and torn pieces of paper.

A ticket drops down and lands on the ground. Where will it take me? Does it lead to a land of promise or to a land of nothingness? I refuse to bend down to pick it up. I turn my face and look up at the black sky.

A door opens up before me. I hesitate. What is on the other side of that door? Do I face a room full of scorpions or a room full of gold? I turn my face again and look down on the dark ground. There is nothing beneath me. There is nothing above me.

A hand taps me on the shoulder. I turn to look behind me. A smiling face offers me a golden goblet. Is the goblet full of honey or is it full of poison? I shake my head and turn my face away. This time I shut my eyes.

I feel longings whispering to me. Wish after wish reaching out for me. Dreams trying to touch me. I walk into shadows to hide from the unknown.

Now I'm covered in regrets and tears for what once was.

A Picture Can Say It All... And More

Because a picture is worth a thousand [and five] words...

I'm Up, I'm Up!

Ancient Chinese proverb says...

"Failure is not falling down, but refusing to get up."

So, I'm finally up.


Besides, the view is horrible down on the ground.

Love The Classics

Dear Sir,

     I hope this letter finds you in good health. This letter may come as a surprise as we have not been formally introduced. I do beg your pardon for being so forward.
However, I sincerely felt that it was a necessity for me to pen this letter. Allow me to refresh your memory, if I may.
     Our paths crossed, rather literally too, 6 weeks ago. I was in the carriage in the lane next to yours when you decided, for your own good reason, I am sure, to suddenly swerve into my lane. A move that I found both unnecessary and extremely dangerous.
     Forgive my rather harsh language, but that was very ungentlemanly of you. Thank Heavens, I was able to avoid any mishaps, but you did incur my wrath. I know that it is not very ladylike of me, but your behaviour was far from gentlemanly .
     I pray that we do not meet again, good sir, for I fear for your safety should we cross paths again. I may not be able to stop myself from shooting you with my dear papa's hunting rifle.
Good day.


With my sincerest good wishes,

Miss X

Not-So-Fresh Grad Looking For Pretty Much Any Legal Profession, But Writing Would Be Fabulous

Dear Future Employer,

   I'm certain that by now you are sick and bored to tears of reading boring old resumes and such. So I'm not going to list my accomplishments, skills and such (because let's face it, half of those will be lies anyway).
   I will simply tell you a little about myself and let you judge me (but really, judging people is not really a nice thing to do, is it?). Maybe judge is the wrong word to use. Let me rephrase that - I will simply tell you a little about myself and let you decide if I would be a positive addition to your company.
   First, I am a very positive person and love to motivate those around me. For example, whenever I go shopping with my friends and they see a top they like but are not sure if it would suit them, I motivate them to try it first and see for themselves. We are our own worst critic after all and I always offer positive, yet truthful, comments. After all, trust is a very important factor in all relationships. So I would make a great salesperson, motivational speaker, telemarketer from this characteristic alone.
   Secondly, I am never satisfied with mediocre performance and am always pushing myself to do better. For example, whenever I play games on Facebook, such as Scramble or Geo Challenge, I am never satisfied with my score. I know I can do better and push myself to improve my score every single time I play. Obviously, this would apply to my work ethics as well. However, because of this drive to better myself, sometimes multi-tasking may be a problem. I throw myself completely into one task, so if you give me many things to do at once, I may take a little longer to complete them. But only because I want to do the absolute best that I can. Not because I'm lazy.
   In addition to that, I am obviously dedicated. I am dedicated to shopping, reading, chocolates and sleeping. I do all of those extremely well, and in fact, consider myself an expert on these matters. I would make a great personal shopper, reader, chocolatier, and sleep study patient.
   I am also a very fast and willing learner. When my friends taught me to bake, I picked it up quickly and went on to experiment further and learn new recipes. My philosophy is that there are so many things out there just waiting to be discovered. Some of the things I plan on learning include archery, kayaking, knitting and the piano. That makes me very versatile so you may place me in whatever position you feel would fit me, but I can also cover for others when the need arises. I would make a good baker, and once I learn the things I listed, a baker who can shoot arrows while kayaking and playing the piano while knitting. I could even be an international spy.
   My other skills include applying make-up beautifully, knowing what jewellery would complement which outfit, knowing where the best desserts are, and many, many more.
I thank you for your time and hope you will consider me for the position. I look forward to hearing from you.


Sincerely,

[Illegible scribble]

There's A Goblin Dancing Across My Shower Taps

For further information on goblins, please click here.

The reason I am convinced that there is at least one goblin living in this house, particularly in our bathroom is...

Every single time I get the water to reach that perfect balance of hot and cold...

The water will turn very, very cold about 5 seconds later...

Which results in me twiddling with the "hot" tap a little bit...

Which results in me getting my scalp scalded about 2 seconds later...

Which then results in me jumping out of the water's way, while desperately turning the "hot" tap crazily in the other direction...

Which makes me wonder now...

It is amazing that I have not slipped on the tiles [knock wood]...

I hate that goblin.

[It's apparently not the taps as the plumber said everything was working perfectly.]

It must be a goblin.

It's probably the brother or uncle to the other goblin who dances across my keyboard...

Making me type words like "unvle" and "wordks" and "wafgle"...

Or "I do hipe yoy consuder my apploctioon for thid positon"...

I want to shoot these goblins.

But I don't have a gun.

When Even Google Doesn't Have The Answers

How do you catch up when you've been left so far behind?

How do you fill in the missing pieces when you have no idea where or what those missing pieces are?

How do you stay strong enough to keep going?

What, why, how?

• It's knowing your coffee is going to spill a second before the cup tips over...
• It's knowing the answer is wrong a second before clicking on it anyway...
• It's knowing you're going to trip a second before you stumble...
• It's knowing you're going to get into trouble for doing it and doing it anyway...
• It's knowing he's wrong for you and loving him anyway...
• It's knowing the fire will burn and touching it anyway...
• It's knowing you shouldn't walk away, but walking away anyway...
• It's knowing that your credit card will be declined a second before it does...
• It's knowing that you need to get up, but covering your face with a pillow anyway...
• It's knowing that you should care, but you just can't seem to...
  
• It's knowing that you had a choice to stop it, but went ahead with it anyway...

Lost My...

Lost my way? Many, many times. Literally and figuratively. I'm so bad with directions and put a map in my hand, you may as well have given me a papyrus with hieroglyphs on it. But I usually find my way, one way or the other.

Lost my heart? Corny, cheesy, but so what? It's true. Happened 3 1/2 years ago. Through no fault of my own, of course. I'm in no hurry to get it back. It's got a great new owner.

Lost my inspiration? My Muse [or whatever] seemed to have taken a detour somewhere and left me with Writer's Block. I have a suspicion that detour includes a visit to the shoe store.

Lost my voice? I did for a while. But I've got it back and am not going to make that same mistake again. It was horrible.

Lost my loves? Yes! My parents moved so many times and apparently my mother thought it was fine to donate my books to charity. An admirable cause but those books are my babies! She gave away my babies!

Lost my weight? No. The only thing that I desperately want to lose and it's not going anywhere. It might go off for a little bit but it always makes it way back. Curses.

In Denial

I'm missing my daily dose of 'The Simpsons' as my mother has taken away the remote for the downstairs TV [hers isn't working, so she's using this one in the meantime]. The result is the downstairs TV is now stuck on the Hallmark channel, and there's a movie on that I don't care much for. *sob*
Thank goodness for the Internet and chocolates. I swear I'm not a couch potato.
Seriously.
I'm not.
I may be spending loads of time in front of that TV, but only because I'm on a self-imposed 'no-shopping' strike.
Hah.
Okay, fine.
Be proud of who you are and all that jazz.
I'm a shopaholic couch potato. Who is completely addicted to 'The Simpsons' and KitKat bars.
Why oh why do they not sell the orange and mint KitKat bars here in Malaysia?!?
And why do we not have any decent potato chips / crisps?
And why can I not get Veoh.com here?
I have been reduced to eating regular old KitKat bars and craving crisps and relying on youtube.com.
Ah, how I long for the glory days.
[Pretty sad that my glory days revolve around chocolates and crisps and watching stuff online.]
[Well, ebay.co.uk played a big part of those glory days as well. And a bunch of other stuff. Like cookies and cappuccino cake. *sigh*]
I hold hope that those orange and mint KitKats will soon find their way in our supermarkets.
[My mother should not have taken that remote away from me.]

The Most Insincere Apology Ever

1. I'm sorry I'm not aggressive enough.
2. I'm sorry I eat too many waffles.
3. I'm sorry I'm not ambitious enough.
4. I'm sorry I'm not that nice.
5. I'm sorry I can't please you all the time.
6. I'm sorry that you think you own me.
7. I'm sorry I sleep too much.
8. I'm sorry I have issues.
9. I'm sorry I can't forgive you yet.
10. I'm sorry I can't give up quite yet.
11. I'm sorry I try too hard sometimes.
12. I'm sorry I lie sometimes.
13. I'm sorry I feel like hiding sometimes.
14. I'm sorry I want to push you away.
15. I'm sorry I have too many shoes.
16. I'm sorry I watch too much TV.
17. I'm sorry I love him so, so, so much.
18. I'm sorry you think I'm not good enough.
19. I'm sorry to disagree with you.
20. I'm sorry your image of me is just an illusion.
21. I'm sorry I refused to be an Economic major.
22. I'm sorry I can't change who I am just to please you.
23. I'm sorry I have my own dreams.
24. I'm sorry, but I'm staying on this path I chose.
25. I'm sorry you can't pin me down.
26. I'm sorry I'm a crap singer.
27. I'm sorry you think I'm boring.
28. I'm sorry I don't understand you.
29. I'm sorry you think I'm weak.
30. I'm sorry, but despite it all, I'm happy.

Last Week

Well, last week was a complete bust. It was such a crappy week.
Let's hope this week will be better.
Observation for last week: 20-somethings can be more childish and petty than middle-school kids.
Hope for this coming week: Let's hope everything will fall into place.

Strength

When your desires burn so brightly
And the fire, the hunger inside you consumes you
Your every breath and every thought
Whisper only one thing
Over and over again
The dream you chase after
Run after
A tiny, delicate seed
Set in flames by your desire
And hunger
Until all that is left
Is you
On the ground
Covered with the ashes of a broken dream
And you try to tell your broken heart
That it is strong enough to go on.

Catching The Butterfly

I'm getting kind of tired of chasing after the butterfly.

I think I'll just sit and wait for it to come to me, if it so chooses.

There's only so much one can take before one grows tired.

I'm not going to wait around forever for that butterfly.

It's already bitten me once.

Anyway, while waiting for that butterfly, I think I'll make some Milo toast.

Some kind of grain bread, butter, and Milo are all I need. Yum.

Maybe it will tempt the butterfly to come to me.

At the very least, I'll have a yummy snack.