Two Versions, Same Story

According to astrology.com, I am...

Your Sample Reading

Section 1: How You Approach Life and How You Appear To Others

Ferociously proud and somewhat vain, you like to be impressive and to be seen as Somebody Special. You are not timid, meek, or self-effacing, and are rarely content being in the background or in the subordinate position. You are a natural leader, and do not take orders from others very well. You must have something of your own, something creative - be it a business, a project, a home or whatever - that you can develop and manage according to your own will and vision. Whatever you do, you do it in a unique, dramatic, individual way. You like to put your own personal stamp on it.

Section 2: The Inner You: Your Real Motivation

Quiet, deep, emotionally complex and intensely private, you are not a person who is easy to get to know and understand. You are extremely sensitive but disinclined to show it, and you allow only a special few into your inner world. Like a wary animal, you are cautious and mistrustful of those you do not know until you "sniff them out". You are very, very instinctive and intuitive. You usually have a strong, immediate gut reaction to people, even though you may be unable to clearly articulate why you feel as you do. Your feelings and perceptions go deeper than words.

According to myself, I am...

Section 1: How You Approach Life and How You Appear To Others

Ferociously proud and very vain, I like to be seen as Somebody Special [as if you would not?]. I am sometimes timid, meek, or self-effacing, and am perfectly content being in the background or in the subordinate position [sometimes]. I do not know if I am a natural leader, but I do not have any problems taking orders from others [sometimes, depends on who's asking and how they're asking]. I like to have something of my own, something creative - be it a business, a project, a home, a blog, or whatever - that I can develop and manage according to my own will and vision [read: laziness]. Whatever I do, I do it in my individual way [unless otherwise instructed]. I like to go with my own flow, and I hate outside pressure.

Section 2: The Inner You: Your Real Motivation

I am sometimes quiet, occasionally deep, always emotionally complex and mostly intensely private, but I am not a person that hard to get to know but sometimes difficult to understand. I am extremely sensitive but [sometimes] disinclined to show it, and I allow only a special few into my inner world. I am mostly cautious but hardly ever mistrustful of those I do not know. I do not know if I am very, very instinctive and intuitive. I do usually have a strong, immediate gut reaction to people, sometimes wrongly, sometimes justifiably, even though I may be unable to clearly articulate why I feel as I do. My feelings and perceptions go deeper than words because I am sometimes at a loss for words.

There it is. I'm putting my personal stamp on my astrology report. Oh, crap. Does this mean that that's the more accurate version?

Losing My Voice

Sometimes, I want to hide under a table.

Sometimes, I want to hit a wall.

Sometimes, I want to get in my car and drive and drive.

Sometimes, I want to cry until all the pain disappears.

Sometimes, I want to just stare out the window.

Sometimes, I want to think of all the things I've lost.

Sometimes, I want to collapse on the floor.

Sometimes, I want to dwell on the past.

Sometimes, I want to tell you everything.

Sometimes, I really do.

But...

"Don't cry, it upsets me so to see you upset."

"Hey, it happens to everyone."

"Well, it's an experience. At least you can say you've experienced it at least once."

"Oh, don't be upset. It will all be fine."

"How ungrateful are you? You've been so blessed! There are people out there being abused or not having enough to eat!"

"Grow up and deal with it."

Which all amounts to basically the same thing...

"Quiet. Shut up, shut up, shut up."

Well, I'll tell you this.

"I know. I know all of that. But what I want to know is when I've hit a low point, will you be there to help me up?"

But I won't.

So, I'll just listen to what you tell me.

And be quiet. 

Sometimes I shut up and I swallow it all in.

Like I'm supposed to.

Like the adult I am.

So, I take it all in.

And I smile on the outside.

Like I'm supposed to.

For you.

So, you can tell yourself that everything is fine.

I'll close my mouth so you can close your eyes.

And, I still want to hide in a dark corner.

Because if I disappear, perhaps all the other bad things will as well.

P/S I'm not really writing about myself, in case any of my friends get worried. But I'm sure that at some point in time, all of us have felt like this. So, really, this was supposed to be some sort of poem, but I'm too lazy to figure out the meter, etc.

There Are Many Ways To Cut A Cucumber

When I first moved to Swansea, I didn't know how to cook - at all. Serves me right for running out of the house every time my mother wanted to teach me. The result? I spent my first week in a new country eating prawn sandwiches and cereal.

The second week I upgraded to ready-made meals from Tesco. I'm talking mushroom burgers and tuna pasta.] By the end of a month, I was seriously in need of 'real' food. I mean, a proper, full-out, Asian dinner. I wanted rice and chicken curry and spicy vegetables. I was sick of sandwiches and pasta. Just sick, sick, sick.

I made friends with the other Malaysian girls and got the Asian dinner I was in desperate need of. I also got some cooking lessons. Slowly, I learned how to chop onions and garlic, how to stir-fry beef, how to make sure the chicken was thoroughly cooked. They taught me how to clean fish and squid properly [which I'm still not quite sure I can do on my own], how to fix a dish if it's too spicy/sour/salty so that it was yummy again.

My first attempt at cooking a 'proper' meal ended with me slicing my finger while trying to chop a cabbage. Pathetic, I know. My brother had to finish up chopping the cabbage. Despite that little incident, the meal turned out quite nicely. Feeling inspired, I looked up a few more recipes and tried them out.

It took four years of 'training' from many different girls [one girl would teach me how to make incredible bolognaise while another would teach me to make fluffy lemon cakes], but I finally managed to feel confident enough to prepare meals for the others.

Gone is the girl who squished the tomato every time she tried to slice it and in her place is a woman who can chop tomato after tomato without squashing them. A woman who makes a pretty darned delicious lasagna [if I say so myself] and can chop at least 3 onions before being reduced to tears. A woman who handmade her pizzas and lemon shortbread.

But still a lazy woman. [I only baked a lot in my final year because it's amazing what beating eggs and butter together can do for your stress levels. And chopping things up is quite an incredible outlet for your anger. I've been known to bake and cook at way past midnight in those days.]

Now, when I'm stressed, I pop down to one of the many eating spots and eat waffles. Which I'm not supposed to do anymore. I'm supposed to skip rope when I'm stressed now. But I don't know how. I only manage to do one, before getting tangled up in the rope. Although, to be honest, I've only tried about 4 times. *lol*

I'll give it another go later.

Oh, I'm not quite sure why I titled my post under that title. I don't even like cucumbers.

Speak Softly Or Not At All

"What can be said at all can be said clearly; and whereof one cannot speak thereof one must be silent."     - Ludwig Wittgenstein -

You asked me why I was silent.

Why I chose to look out the window instead of speak to you.

You thought that perhaps I was angry or upset with you.

Or that I was unhappy.

When, in reality, nothing could be further than the truth.

I'll tell you why I was silent.

I'll tell you why I looked out that window instead of speaking to you.

I didn't choose to stay silent because I was angry or upset.

Or because I was unhappy.

I stayed silent because I didn't have the adequate words.

I stayed silent because the English language doesn't have the adequate words.

To tell you everything I was feeling at the moment.

So, I stayed silent.

I stayed silent not because I was angry or upset.

Or even because I was unhappy.

I stayed silent...

Simply because I had no words.

Oriental Wonder

A few years back, when I was still a student in Swansea, I joined this thing that was a social network website. It was on the recommendation of 'A' [since we were doing the long-distance thing, he thought it would be fun to chat there instead of on regular MSN or Yahoo, for some reason that seemed to make sense at the time]. Anyhoo... it turned out to be a dating website. So I got loads of... "What are you doing here then if you're already in a relationship?" Erm... because my boyfriend told me to?

Anyway, I had my picture up on the site. So, one day I was just surfing through people's profiles and a man sent me a private message.

Man: Hi. Are you Oriental?

Me: [What the poof? Am I Oriental... like noodles?]

Me: [Curiosity piqued, which was the only reason I deigned to reply.] Erm... sort of.

Man: That's wonderful!

Me: [Rather taken aback at this display of excitement over my ethnic origin.] Oh... thanks.

Man: I'm so glad to meet you. You know what they say about Orientals? Of course you do.

Me: [Actually I didn't.] Erm... that we have good food?

Man: No. Oh, come on. You must know?

Me: Actually, no. Do you mean that Orientals are quiet and submissive? [Getting a bit peeved by now.]

Man/[TOOOOOOOOT]: No! That you Orientals are great in BLEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPP! I'm sure you must be too.

Me: [You twisted, prejudiced joirk!] [What I replied to this has to be edited out.]

That was the first time I've ever been referred to as Oriental. Usually, if pressed, I just answer that I'm Asian. Methinks that TOOOOOOOOOOOT has watched a little too many mature films.

Ah, well. There's always a first...

But prejudice does tend to land one in uncomfortable situations, yes?

Tagged: Scent Of A Woman

   This post is a bit overdue. A few weeks ago, Eim tagged me in her post about perfumes. So, now I have to reply and write a post about the different perfumes in my 'collection'. [Pssst... Eim, dah gik main tag2 aieee. Lelah kmk bah. Dah kmk lelah oleh hopping hipping tek.]

   So, this is the list of perfumes I have tried and the journey I had with each bottle of perfume.

1. 'L'Eua D'Issey EDP' by Issey Miyake. My mother gave it to me when I was 13, which also happened to be the first bottle of perfume I ever owned. Until now it remains a firm favourite of mine. I love the scent. It's so soft and subtle. 
2. 'Pleasures' by Estee Lauder. I bought this for my prom when I was 15, but discovered afterwards that I wasn't really into it as I initially was. I found it a bit too strong.
3. 'Sentiment' by Escada. I discovered this while I was out buying a birthday gift for a friend. I fell in love with it. I find it so romantic and sweet. 
4. 'Magnetism' by Escada. I picked this up on my travels, in Milan to be precise. It's a soft, fruity, fragrance. I loved Milan and every time I spritz this on, it would take me right back to Italy.
5. 'Cool Water' by Davidoff. I received this as a birthday present on my 21st birthday. It's very nice and refreshing.
6. Recently, I bought 'B-Spot' by Benefit. Again, because I find the scent soft and sweet.
   

   So, those are among the few scents that I've tried and bought over the years.

P/S I wanted to do another 'joke' post with this tag, but I don't dare because I've pulled one on her in a previous tag, so I'm afraid she might chase me with a kitchen knife.

Kung-Fu Panda

So, I had my first kick-boxing lesson on Monday night.

We stepped in and saw men and women putting on their hand wraps and boxing gloves, and I got a bit intimidated.

There they were, looking all professional and there I was, praying I wouldn't topple over after the first 10 minutes [I didn't. So, yey!]

We registered, blabla, then the instructor came over. He led us over to The Ring. Woohooo... we got to step into an actual ring. I was all pumped up and channeling Hillary Swank in Million Dollar Baby.

He took us through the warm-up and stretching... then came, The Kicking.

I couldn't really kick much because my knee was still hurting [from dance class - I know, so unfit!], and he didn't push me. But I felt very empowered all the same, even though the kicking bag barely made any sound when my foot came into contact with it. Oh, and I might have kicked when he hadn't told us to yet as the "Wait for me to tell you" line popped up a couple of times.

And I might have nearly gotten kicked by him a couple of times when I moved the bag before I was supposed to. [I was just spaced out by then. Hah, bet he regretted picking me as his partner.]

Then it was time for, The Punching.

Yeeeaaaaahhh... cue me walking around with boxing gloves feeling like a kid playing dress-up. Of course, the moment the gloves came on is the precise moment my shoulder started to itch. Gah.

Apart from the little incident where I accidentally punched my instructor while trying to execute the roundhouse punch [oh, and him telling me my elbows were nowhere near high enough], I thought it went pretty well. Even though he had to show me quite a few times how to punch properly. [I didn't know how to position my hands in those bulky gloves!]

I loved it!

I cannot wait for next week's class. [The instructor might run off in the opposite direction when he sees me. Not that I would blame him.]

Another thing I can check off my 'Things I Absolutely Must Try In Life' list.

I wonder if my friends would like to join me at the shooting range? I would love to learn how to fire a gun. [Don't ask. It's a Lara Croft/Charlie's Angels thing.]

I Hear Mourful Hymns As I Find My Way Through The Forest Of Darkness

I hear mournful hymns as I find my way through the forest of darkness.





Aha! Caught you!
Now that I have your attention, you may as well stay and finish reading.
Sorry, but I do not hear mournful hymns. The closest thing to a mournful hymn I hear is my purse begging for the abuse to end. And my days of finding my way through 'The Forest Of Darkness' are hopefully over. [As I have thrown away my 'trekking' trainers.] Now, I only trek through 'The Labyrinth Of Desires', also known as shopping malls.
Anyway, it's all very 'Lord Of The Rings'-ish, isn't it?
Oh, I would enter the forest just for a glimpse of Legolas. [Yes, I know he's not real. Unfortunately.]
I'm rather bored at the moment, and sleepy as I am, I can't seem to sleep.
Oh, if only the stars could sing me a lullaby.
[Sorry, I'm in a rather melodramatic mood right now. I was absolutely scandalised earlier when I thought I wouldn't be able to find my ankle guards.]
Actually, forget the stars. If I were still sleeping in my old room in Swansea, with Jamie Foxx crooning in my ear, I'd sleep just fine.
I actually started out writing this post with something specific in mind. But apparently I've forgotten what it was.
Ah, well. Let's just go with the flow. [I don't follow the flow enough. If anything, I'm always trying to swim against it, or at least resist. Could it be my incredibly stubborn streak?]
[Err... no, I'm not stubborn. I'm a woman who has strong opinions and beliefs.]
Right.
I was thinking of making lemon squares earlier or some incredible-looking chocolate chip cookies I saw on Nigella Express. But I don't know where all the baking equipment is. Plus, my neighbours and my family probably won't appreciate hearing the banging that usually accompanies my efforts in the kitchen at 3.00 a.m.
Back to my futile effort to reach La-La Land.

The Perfect Blend

Some of my favourites...

1. chocolate + banana + whipped cream = perfect smoothie
   
2. pineapple + cheese = perfectly yummy snack cubes
   
3. books + me = perfectly contented me
   
4. pesto, mozarella + sundried tomatoes = perfectly delish toasted panini
   
5. pink + white = perfectly sweet colour combo
   
6. mangoes + mascarpone = perfectly great sponge filling
   
7. diamonds + me = perfectly dazzled me
   
8. Lilo + Stitch = perfect entertaining duo
9. rain, slow love songs, scented candles = perfect snuggling under the covers
10. Italy + me = perfect place for me
11. cream cheese, smoked salmon + caviar = perfect toppings for a bagel
12. hot bath + scented bubbles = perfectly relaxed me
13. toast, spaghetti hoops + fried egg = perfect breakfast
14. pasta + me = perfectly stuffed me
15. sunsets + beach = perfect scenery
16. daydreaming + me = perfect partners
17. rain + sleep = perfect sleeping environment
18. hazelnut coffee + cold weather = perfect way to warm up
19. shopping + me = perfectly de-stressed me
20. ice cream, whipped cream, butterscotch sauce = perfect sundae
21. him + me = perfectly happy

What are some of your 'perfect' blends?

I'm going to tag these people and find out their 'perfect' blends.

Eim, ScoMan, Aya, Nicole, Jaja, Mhea, Erin

Absolutely Wonderful

   I've just had a look at Mhea's blog and I was just amazed by this.

   Please have a look here. 

   I think what she and the others are doing is absolutely wonderful.

   Kind of makes you think and puts everything into perspective, doesn't it?

   So, here's to Mhea and the others!

   Keep up the amazing work!