Heavy, Heavy

Eyes too heavy to see clearly...

Throat too heavy to speak clearly...

Heart too heavy to breathe clearly...
Emotions too heavy to think clearly...

Come Join The Charade

Truth Or Dare?

Three simple words... a game...

Accompanied by loud laughter and triumphant shouts...

Might as well have been a magical chant by a dark witch.

Those three simple words...
And I'm frozen with fear...
When it was my turn, I always chose Truth.
Because Truth was safe.
And Dare, the Unknown, was a risk.

Now I don't play Truth Or Dare anymore.

Now I play Dare To Face The Truth?

Ah, Glory Days

Just a quick update. I've been rather quiet on the blog front because a friend from my university days is here for a visit and I have been having a grand time playing tourist with her.

Hope you're not missing me too much! [As if! =P]

Welcome To The Playground

Ah, the playing field...

From fresh grass, flying swings, full benches...

To threadbare floors, flying paper, creaking chairs...

Step up to the plate.

I nod, you nod.

We know the rules.

Cheat and pay the consequences.

Prepare for the judgement in their eyes.

I nod, you smirk.

We know the rules.

Cheat and reap the rewards.

Prepare for the admiration in their eyes.

Ah, the playing field...

No more fun and sense of wonder.

I'm stepping off the plate.

You nod, I wave goodbye.

Enjoy your glory and praises.

They will be good company for those sleepless nights.

Oh, Say It Is [Not] So!; Or, The Meaning Of Life

This is what it has come down to.

Me, desperately shaking a Magic 8 Ball for the answers I desperately seek.

Dear Magic 8 Ball, will I marry and have my happily-ever-after?

Without A Doubt.

[Oh, we're off to a fabulous start!]

Dear Magic 8 Ball, will I ever become a published writer?

My Sources Say No.

[Bloody 8 Ball!]

Dear Magic 8 Ball, will I at least live comfortably?

Yes.

[Simple and straightforward, I like it.]

Now to get down to business.

Dear Magic 8 Ball, will I ever figure out what that silver button belongs to?

Most Likely.

[Woohoo!]

Dear Magic 8 Ball, will I ever cure my addiction to shopping?

[Inconclusive - I received many glimpses to different answers.]

Dear Magic 8 Ball. are you telling me the truth?

Concentrate And Ask Again.

[Ok, I will.]

Dear Magic 8 Ball, are you telling me the truth?

Yes, Definitely.

[Ok, I trust you. I've got all the answers I need for now. Thanks! You have just enriched my life deeply. What would I do without you?]

No, seriously, will I ever be able to answer these deep questions without your insight?

Without A Doubt.

Well, then, why am I putting my trust in you?

No answer.

Not so smart now, are you?

As I See It, Yes.

Great. You have just destroyed the very foundations of my belief. Thanks a lot!

Nutrition For My Eyes

For a good friend, ScoMan.

Thanks for all the wonderful support.

Welcome To The Dollhouse

To sit in front of the mirror...
The lying mirror... or
The truthful mirror?

Choosing a colour...
Coral or crimson or raspberry...
Sweet or mysterious or natural?
Desert or sunrise or dusty rose?
Vulnerable princess or strong warrior... or
Lovely enchantress?

Cover those sad eyes.
Cover that pale complexion.
Cover those downturned lips.
It is time to face the outside world.

The gleam of diamonds to add shine to dull...
The inches of heels to elevate low to high...
The smoothness of silk to reduce the roughness of life...
The props to face the outside world.

No more sad eyes, but confident eyes...
No more pale complexion, but a glowing complexion...
No more downturned lips, but alluring lips...
To stare the world in the eyes...
To face the world and all it will bring...
To smile everyday...

Ready?
Welcome to the dollhouse.

Being Fabulous Takes Up 99% Of My Time

Forgive me then if I sleep a lot. It's exhausting being fabulous.

I've been meaning to get to this for a while now...

But as usual, I was... blablablabla...

ScoMan has deemed me to be fabulous! I'm so flattered, I'm blushing fabulously. =P Thanks, ScoMan!

Now, as is customary, when one receives an award, one must give a speech. The speech for receiving this particular award requires the recipient to list 5 addictions, which I shall fabulously do now.

My 5 addictions, some of which make my life so fabulous, include:

1. Writing. My coping mechanism that helps me deal with the drama. My catharsis for my constantly tempestuous emotions. My lifeline when I'm drowning. My true loyal companion through every step of the way.
2. Reading. See above.
3. Facebook. Fabulously entertaining me through those restless hours. And keeping me in touch with friends while allowing me to stalk some. =D
4. Crisps. Once I pop, I just can't stop. Well, technically, I'm addicted to Walker's, so it's more like once I tear into the packet, I can't tear myself away until it's empty.
5. Pampering sessions. Aromatherapy, bubble baths, shopping - all those little things to make me feel good.

Now to pass this on to 5 other fabulous bloggers:

1. A'a... from Dorothy, Eat Your Heart Out!
2. Maryam... from The Swanny Times
3. Adib... from A Corner Of My Soul
4. Nicole... from Me, Myselves And I
5. Cheryl... from Confessions Of A Twenty Something Year Old

Welcome To The Puppet Show

A string pulls me in the opposite direction. I go stiff and try to dig my feet into the ground. But I guess I didn't dig deep or hard enough. Or maybe the force behind the string is too strong to resist. I go flying across the wind, wishing the ground was quicksand that will hold me down firmly.

No such luck.

So I land at your feet. You said, "Let's go."

I nod and follow because that's where the string is leading me.

Ah, you're not a bad person. You can't help who and what you are.

I think I'm not such a bad person. But I am who and what I am.

I've been called into play. And play I shall.

Because it's not always about me. The captain needs to rest. And rest he shall.

So I give you a big smile. I take the string and begin to skip.

Welcome to the puppet show.

Stasis

He's watching me, studying my face for a frown, a smile, a wrinkling of the nose - anything to let him know what I'm thinking.

My lips curve into a smile but remain silent.

He smiles back and touches my hand.

I see the uncertainty in his eyes. I hope he doesn't feel the uncertainty in my heart.

He asks me a question. I answer but don't elaborate.

I feel him begin to panic as he grips my hand tighter.

I look at him and look away.

I want to pull away and I want to pull him into me.

His panic somewhat reassures me.

So this is where we stand.

Is this where we end? Or is this where we move on?

I don't know.

I'm not sure I want to know.

I know that I need to smile now. So I will.

But I wonder...

Is the loneliness worse when you're alone or when you're right beside someone?

The eternal question floats in my mind again.

Is it worth it?

Exclusive

   I feel so rejuvenated and invigorated and all such words. 

   Scented bubble baths, aromatherapy, essential oils, scalp massage, hair treatment, facial, facial and body scrub and foot massage all equal a totally blissed out and serene me.

   Spa treatments rock.

   Especially if you're the only client.

   Because you did it all at home.

   Now I have to go clean up those bowls of milk, eggs, green tea and cucumber. Yum! 

P/S My services will NOT be made available for the general public. Though your tips will be more than welcome.

Black Is The Colour Of My Mind

What once was, is now fragments of fleeting memories and torn pieces of paper.

A ticket drops down and lands on the ground. Where will it take me? Does it lead to a land of promise or to a land of nothingness? I refuse to bend down to pick it up. I turn my face and look up at the black sky.

A door opens up before me. I hesitate. What is on the other side of that door? Do I face a room full of scorpions or a room full of gold? I turn my face again and look down on the dark ground. There is nothing beneath me. There is nothing above me.

A hand taps me on the shoulder. I turn to look behind me. A smiling face offers me a golden goblet. Is the goblet full of honey or is it full of poison? I shake my head and turn my face away. This time I shut my eyes.

I feel longings whispering to me. Wish after wish reaching out for me. Dreams trying to touch me. I walk into shadows to hide from the unknown.

Now I'm covered in regrets and tears for what once was.

A Picture Can Say It All... And More

Because a picture is worth a thousand [and five] words...

You Can Throw That Tape Measure Out

Remember when you were in school and you've just received your report card? You take it home, show it to your parents and the usual spiel follows.

• You only got in the Top 10? What happened?
• How come you only got 63% for Science?
• What did [insert best friend's name here] get?
• See? He/She did better than you. How did that happen?

To which I only have one answer: I didn't study. Yes, I suffer from chronic laziness. Anyway, science never really caught my interest in school. But that's besides the point.

The point is... why does your success have to be measured against another person's? Does it not speak for itself? Does it mean that you have to push, trample, shove, beat down others on the way to the top?

A little friendly competition is good and all to motivate yourself to do better. I've seen friends go all out to beat each other. But then again, I've always been more on the coasting side of things. I suppose the key is in the balance, as it is in all other things. Balanced diet, balanced lifestyle. Balance of Type A and Type B.

It's not just education and exam results that people compare, though. It's everything. Especially in families, particularly Asian families.

• Look, your cousin is so pretty and so slim. You should watch your diet more.
• See, your cousin's husband is so successful and so rich. You should find one like that as well.
• Your cousin is doing so well at work, etc.

Honestly, I don't particularly give a fig. It's nice for them and I'm happy for them. But I'm content with what I have. Sure I have my own goals and dreams, but they have nothing to do with outshining or showing up anyone else.

So, for those people who think that they're better than someone else because they have nicer clothes or a more expensive car or have more money stuffed in their purse...

I say...

You know where you can stuff it.


P/S When you go to a posh boutique here but aren't dressed head-to-toe in designer gear, the people in the store [90% of the time] assume that you can't afford anything in there and either refuse to help you or follow you around with this disdainful attitude like you're tainting the store. You know who you are.

I'm Up, I'm Up!

Ancient Chinese proverb says...

"Failure is not falling down, but refusing to get up."

So, I'm finally up.


Besides, the view is horrible down on the ground.