Hello

   I know I've been quiet lately, and you may think it's because...

1. My work, social life, etc. is keeping me soooooooooooo busy that I don't have time to blog, or
2. I'm experiencing writer's block

   Actually,

1. My social life has been the same [pretty much, minus some stuff] as it always is, which suits me fine 
2. I'm not experiencing writer's block. My fingers have been itching to tell all, but paradoxically, I don't want to tell.

   Have you ever experienced that feeling of wanting to pull back from everything and everyone around you because you're just so upset? And you don't feel like sharing it with anyone because the only thing you have to share right then is this really horrible feeling, which you don't wish to infect anyone else with?

   Well, that was pretty much how I've felt for the past couple of weeks. Just a little dark moment before the end of the year to make me look forward to the New Year [which I'll kick off with a little trip away from here... yey!].

   All is well now, and I want to get up and running again. I think I'll start with a huge plate of pasta carbonara and some brownies. Yum!

   I hope anyone who reads this had a great Christmas and has a wonderful New Year's.

Things I Learned From Cartoons

1. Mutant rat-men are good and never trust a man who wears a silver mask and a purple cape who hangs around with a mutant brain. [Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]
2. The best disguise is a suit and glasses. Hey, one man in a suit looks the same as the next one, right? [Superman]
3. Road runners may have the brains, but coyotes are the ones with the money. How else can they afford the endless supply of anvils and dynamite? [Road Runner]
4. Cats, dogs and ducks can all be best friends. [Mickey Mouse, Goofy and Donald Duck]
5. Chipmunks can sing and can socialise with humans perfectly. [Alvin and the Chipmunks]
6. If you are a stubborn teenager who goes against her dad's advice and seeks help from a witch, runs off to be with a boy from a different world, gets your whole society in danger so your father has to intervene, eventually your father will let you have your way. [The Little Mermaid]
7. Inter-class romantic relationships can work. [Aladdin]
8. A one-eyed, three-legged, green-skinned alien can pass off as a female human. Beware. [Lilo and Stitch]

Brush It Off , Kick It To The Side And Walk Away

A dust mote swirls lazily in the air.
A mouth opens.
Words pour out and push the dust mote around.
It lands on my shoulder.
It irritates me.
Might even anger me.
I open my mouth.
More words pour out.
Off the dust mote goes.
Swirling around and around, before landing on my shoulder again.
I'm annoyed.
But then I shrug and brush it off.
It falls to the ground.
I kick it out of my way and move on.
Moving on, moving on.
It is only dust.
It is nothing.
I will not allow it to turn into rock.

It is nothing.

My Personal Brand Of Ecstasy

One taste...
And I'm addicted...
Irrevocably so.

My poison... that cures.
My high... when I'm low.
My vice... that inspires my virtues.

My lifelong addiction...
Which I never want to get rid of.

Define Me, If You Can

During an interview once, I was asked... "What are your social skills like?"
A question that kind of threw me off-guard. I replied by saying, "Well, I get along fine with people. I don't have a problem socialising with others." Brilliant, right? I finished off this brilliant answer with..."My friends seem to like me just fine." Which earned me some laughs.
Anyhoo... a few more questions followed.
I read one of ScoMan's recent posts - hang on, I have a relevant point even though it may seem random. It was about the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, which you can read here. So, I thought I'd take it as well. Click here to take it. Apparently, I am an INFP type - an Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving type. I am a...

• moderately expressed introvert
  
• slightly expressed intuitive personality
  
• distinctively expressed feeling personality
  
• slightly expressed perceiving personality

But what does it all mean?
It means I'm a healer, according to D. Keirsey.
"Healers present a calm and serene face to the world, and can seem shy, even distant around others. But inside they're anything but serene, having a capacity for personal caring rarely found in the other types. Healers care deeply about the inner life of a few special persons, or about a favorite cause in the world at large. And their great passion is to heal the conflicts that trouble individuals, or that divide groups, and thus to bring wholeness, or health, to themselves, their loved ones, and their community."

The INFP profile is...

Introverted Feeling

INFPs live primarily in a rich inner world of introverted Feeling. Being inward-turning, the natural attraction is away from world and toward essence and ideal. This introversion of dominant Feeling, receiving its data from extraverted intuition, must be the source of the quixotic nature of these usually gentle beings. Feeling is caught in the approach- avoidance bind between concern both for people and for All Creatures Great and Small, and a psycho-magnetic repulsion from the same. The "object," be it homo sapiens or a mere representation of an organism, is valued only to the degree that the object contains some measure of the inner Essence or greater Good. Doing a good deed, for example, may provide intrinsic satisfaction which is only secondary to the greater good of striking a blow against Man's Inhumanity to Mankind.

Extraverted iNtuition

Extraverted intuition faces outward, greeting the world on behalf of Feeling. What the observer usually sees is creativity with implied good will. Intuition spawns this type's philosophical bent and strengthens pattern perception. It combines as auxiliary with introverted Feeling and gives rise to unusual skill in both character development and fluency with language--a sound basis for the development of literary facility. If INTPs aspire to word mechanics, INFPs would be verbal artists.

Introverted Sensing

Sensing is introverted and often invisible. This stealth function in the third position gives INFPs a natural inclination toward absent- mindedness and other-worldliness, however, Feeling's strong people awareness provides a balancing, mitigating effect. This introverted Sensing is somewhat categorical, a subdued version of SJ sensing. In the third position, however, it is easily overridden by the stronger functions.

Extraverted Thinking

The INFP may turn to inferior extraverted Thinking for help in focusing on externals and for closure. INFPs can even masquerade in their ESTJ business suit, but not without expending considerable energy. The inferior, problematic nature of Extraverted Thinking is its lack of context and proportion. Single impersonal facts may loom large or attain higher priority than more salient principles which are all but overlooked.

It seems William Shakespeare was an INFP. Could this mean that I am destined to be the next Shakespeare? I wish.

Anyway, I wish that next time someone asks me to tell them about myself, I can just print out the results of this test and tell them to read for themselves. They'd probably kick me right out of the interview if I did that.

Broken Images

I'd like to share one of my favourite poems with you.

In Broken Images

He is quick, thinking in clear images;
I am slow, thinking in broken images.

He becomes dull, trusting to his clear images;
I become sharp, mistrusting my broken images,

Trusting his images, he assumes their relevance;
Mistrusting my images, I question their relevance.

Assuming their relevance, he assumes the fact,
Questioning their relevance, I question the fact.

When the fact fails him, he questions his senses;
When the fact fails me, I approve my senses.

He continues quick and dull in his clear images;
I continue slow and sharp in my broken images.

He in a new confusion of his understanding;
I in a new understanding of my confusion.

Robert Graves

I have my own reasons for loving it so much. To me, it says that it's fine to be different. He is so sure and confident that it gives me confidence. And that it's perfectly fine to be slow, as long as you're sure of where you're going.

3,2,1... And Action!

   So, there we were.

   He looked at me.

   I looked right back at him.

   He looked doubtful.

   I hoped I looked calm.

   He appeared intimidating.

   I refused to be intimidated.

   He wasn't impressed.

   Neither was I.

   He was obligated to perform his duty.

   I was obligated to perform mine.

   He was the director.

   I was the actor auditioning for the part.

   He looked at me.

   He didn't speak, but his eyes said it all.

   He thought I was weak.

   I looked at him.

   I didn't speak, but I smiled.

   I thought he made a mistake in underestimating me.

   It was over.

   He wasn't impressed.

   But neither was I.

   He played his part perfectly.

   But I refused to play along.

   He left, probably annoyed that I wasted his time.

   I left, feeling a mixture of emotions.

   Needless to say, I didn't get the part.

   I am no actor.

   But why should I act?

The Most Insincere Apology Ever

1. I'm sorry I'm not aggressive enough.
2. I'm sorry I eat too many waffles.
3. I'm sorry I'm not ambitious enough.
4. I'm sorry I'm not that nice.
5. I'm sorry I can't please you all the time.
6. I'm sorry that you think you own me.
7. I'm sorry I sleep too much.
8. I'm sorry I have issues.
9. I'm sorry I can't forgive you yet.
10. I'm sorry I can't give up quite yet.
11. I'm sorry I try too hard sometimes.
12. I'm sorry I lie sometimes.
13. I'm sorry I feel like hiding sometimes.
14. I'm sorry I want to push you away.
15. I'm sorry I have too many shoes.
16. I'm sorry I watch too much TV.
17. I'm sorry I love him so, so, so much.
18. I'm sorry you think I'm not good enough.
19. I'm sorry to disagree with you.
20. I'm sorry your image of me is just an illusion.
21. I'm sorry I refused to be an Economic major.
22. I'm sorry I can't change who I am just to please you.
23. I'm sorry I have my own dreams.
24. I'm sorry, but I'm staying on this path I chose.
25. I'm sorry you can't pin me down.
26. I'm sorry I'm a crap singer.
27. I'm sorry you think I'm boring.
28. I'm sorry I don't understand you.
29. I'm sorry you think I'm weak.
30. I'm sorry, but despite it all, I'm happy.

Pizza Wrap

When you're a student, you're too busy to cook. Or so you tell yourself as an excuse to keep buying kebabs and existing on chocolate biscuits and crisps.
But this is an all-time favourite of mine. It's so easy and quick to make, which is handy when you have unexpected guests.

You need:

1. tortilla wraps (I loved the herb ones)
2. roast turkey breasts (or whatever deli meats your prefer)
3. basic pasta sauce (any tomato-ey sauce will do)
4. optional: onions, peppers, olives, mushrooms, cheese

The steps:

1. roll out the wraps
2. spread the sauce in the middle of the wrap
3. arrange the meat and other ingredients on top
4. fold the wrap so that all the ingredients are tucked safely inside
5. pop into the oven for a while

Voila! And you're done. Serve piping hot.

Fire! Fire!

True story.

This happened when I was in my final year as a student in Swansea.

I was happily minding my own business [gasp, gasp, yes, I can mind my own business!], and playing Solitaire on my laptop [now, dead, may its pieces rest in peace].

I look out the window and what do I see?

Thick, almost-black smoke coming from the neighbour's house.
Now, any normal person would jump out of that chair and run outside to see what was going on.
Not me.
Oh, no. I continued to stare out that window for a few more minutes.
I think I was waiting for one of my housemates to run down the stairs screaming.
Oh, but wait. Only three bedrooms face the back garden - mine, the room directly above mine and the room at the back of the house. And those two were never in anyway.
So, I slowly got out of that chair and walked [not run] to the back garden to check if there really was a fire.
Yes, there was a huge fire. Huh.
So, I walked quickly back to my room and looked out the window again. Yup, smoke still there.
Now, this is where I get incredibly silly. I still can't believe I did what I did. I was trying to decide what to take with me in case the fire spread and burned down our house. Laptop, of course and passport and my purse.
The essentials, right?
Then, I had this thought. If indeed the house burned down, I wanted to make sure I had a nice outfit on [if it were to be the only outfit I saved]. So I changed. All the while the smoke is still billowing outside my window.
Although nobody seems to be doing anything about it. The neighbours didn't seem to be running around trying to put out the fire, which confused me.
So I ran up to my housemate's room and told her about the fire.
What did she do?
She came downstairs with me, looked at it... and laughed.
Because of course, it was only a bonfire. They were burning rubbish or wood or whatever.
I was burning too... with embarrassment.
But hey, if you can't laugh at yourself, you're missing out on a lot of laughter, right?

P/S Just a little something to keep you entertained while I'm away finishing this thing I'm working on, which is really great. I have no idea when it will be finished though as my partner and I are really loving it and stretching it out. Hopefully, you'll love it as much as we're loving it.

Last Week

Well, last week was a complete bust. It was such a crappy week.
Let's hope this week will be better.
Observation for last week: 20-somethings can be more childish and petty than middle-school kids.
Hope for this coming week: Let's hope everything will fall into place.

Clash Of The Two Planets: Venus Vs. Mars

Incidentally, Venus was the Roman goddess of love and Mars was the Roman god of war. Love vs. War. Hmmm... This excerpt I'm going to share with you demonstrates that perfectly. I was given this piece of paper to read by a friend. It's hysterical. I'm not quite sure of the origins of this excerpt or where she got it from. Anyway, here it is.


Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix.

The professor told his class one day. "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will email your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me.

The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely no talking outside of the emails and anything you wish to say must be written in the email The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his students, Rebecca and Gary.

The Story
(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favourite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much, her asthma started aching up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squad room now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about that the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit establishes. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle BEAM FLASHED out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for physically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel", Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out of the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she wondered wistfully.

(Gary)
Little did she know but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anudrian mother ship launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress, had left Earth a defenseless target to the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty, the Anudrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic! Whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some sort of other F****** TEA???! Oh no, WHAT AM I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)
A*****e!

(Gary)
B***h!

(Rebecca)
F*** YOU, YOU NEANDERTHAL!

(Gary)
Go drink some tea, w****!

(Teacher)
A+... I really liked this one.



That concludes the story. Hysterical, no?
Kind of makes me feel like doing a tandem story myself. Scott, will you be interested in joining me in my attempt to prove that not all girls agonize over which tea to drink and not all men are neanderthals?

Strength

When your desires burn so brightly
And the fire, the hunger inside you consumes you
Your every breath and every thought
Whisper only one thing
Over and over again
The dream you chase after
Run after
A tiny, delicate seed
Set in flames by your desire
And hunger
Until all that is left
Is you
On the ground
Covered with the ashes of a broken dream
And you try to tell your broken heart
That it is strong enough to go on.

Hit The Pedal To The Metal

My driving instructor was a rather difficult man. He loved to smoke while I was driving [and I just loathe the smell of cigarettes, but I was too terrified to ask him not to do it] and insisted on holding my foot down with a stick when he was teaching me how to do my balancing on the little 'hill'. [Not that I blame him. The first couple of times up that hill resulted in my car going backwards down that hill with me screaming my head off and him yelling at me not to swing my steering wheel around.]

Anyhoo... that's all in the past. I am now a licensed driver and have been since February. And despite the rough start, I'm a pretty good driver now. So, I suppose my instructor did a pretty good job.

But that's not the point of this post.

I suddenly remembered an episode of Ellen that I saw months ago, which really made me laugh. I love Ellen. She always cracks me up. Anyway, in that episode, Ellen had gone to a driving school and was taking some of the students for a drive.

She stopped by an ice-cream drive-through [I think it was Baskin Robbins?], and bought about 4 ice-creams and they put it in a cardboard tray thingy for her. So, Ellen happily drove off and ate her ice-cream. This is the following conversation that ensued [the gist of it, I can't remember her exact words, obviously].

Student: Isn't that dangerous?

Ellen: Oh, no, no.

Student: Are you sure?

Ellen: Yes. You're not supposed to drink and drive. That's dangerous. But you can eat and drive.

Student: Oh.

I was in hysterics. If I tried to eat while driving, my instructor probably would have whacked me with his stick.

I Do! I Do!

I was watching this show on the TV. I happened upon it while I was channel surfing [one needs to also exercise one's fingers], and it caught my attention.
I think it was called 'The Proposal' or something like that. Anyway, it was nearing the end of the show. The man ['The Proposer'] had set up a little 'corral' with a wooden table, etc. for him and his girlfriend to enjoy a glass of champagne. He had written a country song about their relationship and a woman with a guitar sang it.
After the song was over, he told her he had prepared a little game for her to play, called 'Needle In A Haystack'. Except, of course, it was a ring under the haystack, not a needle. So, girl finds ring, guy drops to one knee, proposes, girl tearfully says yes, guy slips on ring, yada yada yada.
Me getting all awwww on the inside and fighting the tears. [I am such a hopeless romantic.]
So, that was her perfect proposal.

My perfect proposal? I used to wonder about that a lot. I played different scenarios in my mind - moonlight picnic, balloons and rose petals, that kind of thing. I just knew I wanted something creative and thoughtful.

My perfect wedding? Thanks to Cinderella and all the other fairytale princesses, I wanted the whole perfect dress-perfect venue-perfect flowers scenario.

But that was then. That was Before Him. Before Him, I thought that I needed all those things to have a perfect wedding and marriage.

Now?

Cinderella can have her prince and carriage. All I need are... the ring, him, my family and the beach.

Hey, in my experience, you can never go wrong with a BBQ by the beach.

Her Place

He doesn't need her.

He has his family.

They give him everything he needs.

The things she wants to give him but cannot.

He doesn't need her.

He has his friends.

They support him and understand him.

They're always there by his side.

Just like she wishes she could always be by his side.

He doesn't need her.

She can't give him the things he needs.

She can't give him the support he needs.

She is the one who tries to get in.

She is the one who stands outside.

She is the one who doesn't understand.

She is the one...

Who is walking away.

The Decision: A Letdown

What was I to do?

The ringing was calling to me.

The phone was begging to be answered.

I had walked past this public phone hundred of times on my way to the university.

And on my way home.

I had used it many times to call home.

But never once had it started ringing just as I walked by.

It was as if Life was trying to reach me.

Who was calling?
Was it a wrong number?
Was it someone who would offer me a million pounds?
Was it someone who would recruit me as a secret agent?

So many times I wished for it to happen.

Just so I could experience it.

What can I say?

I have rather unusual thoughts.

So what did I do when the opportunity finally presented itself?

When I could finally answer that question in my mind?

I walked away.

I decided the fantasy was better than the reality.
What does that say about me?

The Decision: Inner Torment

   I stood there, frozen in place.

   My heart beat faster.

   My thoughts were spinning crazily.

   I was caught in the moment.

   Unable to come to a firm decision.

   I had often wondered about this moment.

   But I had never once thought that it would actually happen.

   And yet, there it was.

   It was a question I had asked myself many times, over the years.

   It was a question I could finally answer.

   And yet, I hesitated.

   The day had started off like any other day.

   Class, lunch at home, work in the evening.

   Now, this.

   What should I do?

   What was the right thing to do?

   I stood there and debated on what my next step should be.

   The seconds stretched into minutes.

   The minutes crawled maddeningly slowly by.

   I was almost tormented while trying to come up with a solution.

   I was excited and doubtful.

   Intrigued but hesitating.

   

   Thus concludes part one of this drama.

And The Verdict Is... Guilty!

Okay, confess. How many of you have signed up or joined something or just committed yourselves to a cause, but didn't follow through?

I know I'm guilty of doing just that on many, many counts.

When I was a little girl, I wanted to join ballet.

So, ballet classes it was.

I went to the first class, but sat by the side because I wanted to 'watch and learn' first.

I went to the second class, did about 10 minutes, before giving up and crying.

I never went to that third class.

When I was about 10, I really liked art.

So, my parents signed me up for art classes.

We went to the school, my parents paid for my lessons, and when they were about to leave, I started sobbing and wanted to go with them.

I held onto my mother's leg and refused to let go.

They had to go back in and get a refund.

I sobbed all the way home and never went to a single art class.

When I was 18, I signed up for a driving course.

I paid the first payment.

I never went.

When I was in my final year in Swansea, I decided to join Aikido.

I signed up with the Aikido Club and paid my membership fees.

I was so excited at the idea of learning an art of self-defense.

In my head, I was imagining myself as Kasumi from D.O.A. Or as Uma Thurman in Kill Bill.

I didn't go to even one lesson.

So, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty.

That's not including all the let's-ditch-the-chocolates-cakes-and-crisps-and-be-healthy plans that I've [barely] started and quit within days.

*sigh* I'm working on this though. No, really, I am.

Catching The Butterfly

I'm getting kind of tired of chasing after the butterfly.

I think I'll just sit and wait for it to come to me, if it so chooses.

There's only so much one can take before one grows tired.

I'm not going to wait around forever for that butterfly.

It's already bitten me once.

Anyway, while waiting for that butterfly, I think I'll make some Milo toast.

Some kind of grain bread, butter, and Milo are all I need. Yum.

Maybe it will tempt the butterfly to come to me.

At the very least, I'll have a yummy snack.

Transmutation Device

I just discovered that I had a magic transmutation thingy on my bedside table. Amazing, right?

Now, like any other scientific discovery, I'll have to present proof or evidence to support my 'discovery'.

The Proof:

1. My long green-handled scissors are now short pink-handled ones. [I have asked everyone who lives in this house if they have seen the green one, but nobody knows anything about it.]
2. I discovered tweezers under my pillow and my tissues are slowly disappearing. [When I asked, nobody admitted to touching my tissues and the tweezers are still unclaimed. Maybe I have a tooth fairy that deals in tweezers instead of change? But I didn't lose a tooth.]

Mystifying, isn't it?

I also seem to have a telekinetic device downstairs as the tissue box keeps moving around or disappearing altogether.

Remember: the truth is out there.

Caught Again! 8 Things

I've been tagged by ScoMan.

Here are the rules for this tagyou'reit game:

1. Each player starts with eight random fact/habits about themselves.
2. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
3. At the end of your blog post, you need to tag eight people and list their names. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged and to read your blog.
4. If you have already been tagged and do not wish to go through the exercise then let the taggee know.

Here we go. These are my eight random facts/habits about myself:

1. I just had a dream that I went shoe shopping with my mom and she told me I could only buy two pairs of shoes, then presented me with her 5 favourite pairs. I was torn between these snakeskin heels and leopard print flats, as well as brown heels with embroidered flowers. Then suddenly I was in a car with my friend and the car behind us was tailing us, so we called the police. But then the car behind us cut in front of us and drove off and when the policeman asked for my details, I refused to answer him and kind of hung up on him. This led to them showing up at my house. Freaky, right?
2. I like 'Project Runway' and 'Keeping Up With The Kardashians' and other 'reality' TV shows.
3. This is the third time I've been tagged this week. Haha. I'm still working on the other two.
4. I am obsessed with 'Pet Society' on Facebook. And 'Fashion Wars'.
5. I've just started reading James Patterson's 'Double Cross' and am already hooked, as usual. That man is a genius.
6. Right now, I wish I had woken up earlier so I could have joined my friend on her shopping expedition at Pavilion. I love the shop that sells those really cute and cheap hair bands/Alice bands. 
7. I'm struggling to come up with these eight facts.
8. I want to find out ScoMan's real name. Haha. Sorry, but I'm so intrigued by this.

Now I tag:

   Jaja, Eim, Aya, Ellie, Audrea, Maryam, A'a, Him

Oh, Choices To Make

   Well, I find myself conflicted at the moment. My parents asked me if I would like to go with them on a trip to Penang for a few days. I would love to. However, doing so would mean missing out on my dance class and having fun with my friends after and I risk losing the momentum. *sigh*

   Plus, there's also the risk of me going mad from hanging out with my sisters too much. And if I stay, I could catch up on my reading and some other things on my must-do-now list. 

   But then the images of pretty hair bands in Penang are calling out to me. 

   What do I do?!?

   It's a 6-day trip [which in itself is making me feel conflicted] versus 6 days of ultimate freedom and privacy. But Penang has such yummy food. Which will totally mess up my imaginary diet. Gaaahhh.

   Ohmygosh, so the drama over something so mundane.

   Blah.

The Good Intention

   Before I went grocery shopping, I always made a list. This is so...

1. I would remember to buy the things I really needed. [toothpaste, etc.]
2. To avoid buying the things I didn't need. [biscuits, crisps, etc.]

   So, a typical shopping list would generally look like this...

1. Onions, garlic, shallots
2. Basmati rice
3. Frozen peas
4. Red peppers
5. Chillies
6. Oil
7. Mushrooms
8. Pasta
9. Pasta sauce
10. Canned tuna
11. Chicken
12. Salmon
13. Chips
14. Milk
15. Cereal
16. Butter
17. Bread
18. Pears

   This is what I usually came home with...

1. All the things in the 'original' list
2. Frozen pizza
3. Walker's Sensations Thai Sweet Chili
4. Cappucino cake
5. Chocolate chip cookies
6. Glamour magazine
7. Walker's Cheese and Onion
8. Sushi
9. Ben and Jerry's Phish Food
10. Fish cakes

   Low willpower much?

   I always said Tesco [in Swansea] was my second home. Where else opens late at night, anyway? 

This Week In A Nutshell

   Weeeeee! This week I...

• went for my second kickboxing session + am starting to get really hooked!
• went for my second dance class + managed to keep up this time [and managed to stay coordinated!]
• printed out loads of recipes to try out... yum!
• written more stuff for my potential 'book' [any publishers interested?]
• am celebrating my dad's birthday... happy birthday, dad!
• am very proud of him for everything he has accomplished... you're fab!
• have been tagged twice... will get to is soon-ish, girls.

 

  Let's see what next week brings me.

Two Versions, Same Story

According to astrology.com, I am...

Your Sample Reading

Section 1: How You Approach Life and How You Appear To Others

Ferociously proud and somewhat vain, you like to be impressive and to be seen as Somebody Special. You are not timid, meek, or self-effacing, and are rarely content being in the background or in the subordinate position. You are a natural leader, and do not take orders from others very well. You must have something of your own, something creative - be it a business, a project, a home or whatever - that you can develop and manage according to your own will and vision. Whatever you do, you do it in a unique, dramatic, individual way. You like to put your own personal stamp on it.

Section 2: The Inner You: Your Real Motivation

Quiet, deep, emotionally complex and intensely private, you are not a person who is easy to get to know and understand. You are extremely sensitive but disinclined to show it, and you allow only a special few into your inner world. Like a wary animal, you are cautious and mistrustful of those you do not know until you "sniff them out". You are very, very instinctive and intuitive. You usually have a strong, immediate gut reaction to people, even though you may be unable to clearly articulate why you feel as you do. Your feelings and perceptions go deeper than words.

According to myself, I am...

Section 1: How You Approach Life and How You Appear To Others

Ferociously proud and very vain, I like to be seen as Somebody Special [as if you would not?]. I am sometimes timid, meek, or self-effacing, and am perfectly content being in the background or in the subordinate position [sometimes]. I do not know if I am a natural leader, but I do not have any problems taking orders from others [sometimes, depends on who's asking and how they're asking]. I like to have something of my own, something creative - be it a business, a project, a home, a blog, or whatever - that I can develop and manage according to my own will and vision [read: laziness]. Whatever I do, I do it in my individual way [unless otherwise instructed]. I like to go with my own flow, and I hate outside pressure.

Section 2: The Inner You: Your Real Motivation

I am sometimes quiet, occasionally deep, always emotionally complex and mostly intensely private, but I am not a person that hard to get to know but sometimes difficult to understand. I am extremely sensitive but [sometimes] disinclined to show it, and I allow only a special few into my inner world. I am mostly cautious but hardly ever mistrustful of those I do not know. I do not know if I am very, very instinctive and intuitive. I do usually have a strong, immediate gut reaction to people, sometimes wrongly, sometimes justifiably, even though I may be unable to clearly articulate why I feel as I do. My feelings and perceptions go deeper than words because I am sometimes at a loss for words.

There it is. I'm putting my personal stamp on my astrology report. Oh, crap. Does this mean that that's the more accurate version?

Losing My Voice

Sometimes, I want to hide under a table.

Sometimes, I want to hit a wall.

Sometimes, I want to get in my car and drive and drive.

Sometimes, I want to cry until all the pain disappears.

Sometimes, I want to just stare out the window.

Sometimes, I want to think of all the things I've lost.

Sometimes, I want to collapse on the floor.

Sometimes, I want to dwell on the past.

Sometimes, I want to tell you everything.

Sometimes, I really do.

But...

"Don't cry, it upsets me so to see you upset."

"Hey, it happens to everyone."

"Well, it's an experience. At least you can say you've experienced it at least once."

"Oh, don't be upset. It will all be fine."

"How ungrateful are you? You've been so blessed! There are people out there being abused or not having enough to eat!"

"Grow up and deal with it."

Which all amounts to basically the same thing...

"Quiet. Shut up, shut up, shut up."

Well, I'll tell you this.

"I know. I know all of that. But what I want to know is when I've hit a low point, will you be there to help me up?"

But I won't.

So, I'll just listen to what you tell me.

And be quiet. 

Sometimes I shut up and I swallow it all in.

Like I'm supposed to.

Like the adult I am.

So, I take it all in.

And I smile on the outside.

Like I'm supposed to.

For you.

So, you can tell yourself that everything is fine.

I'll close my mouth so you can close your eyes.

And, I still want to hide in a dark corner.

Because if I disappear, perhaps all the other bad things will as well.

P/S I'm not really writing about myself, in case any of my friends get worried. But I'm sure that at some point in time, all of us have felt like this. So, really, this was supposed to be some sort of poem, but I'm too lazy to figure out the meter, etc.

There Are Many Ways To Cut A Cucumber

When I first moved to Swansea, I didn't know how to cook - at all. Serves me right for running out of the house every time my mother wanted to teach me. The result? I spent my first week in a new country eating prawn sandwiches and cereal.

The second week I upgraded to ready-made meals from Tesco. I'm talking mushroom burgers and tuna pasta.] By the end of a month, I was seriously in need of 'real' food. I mean, a proper, full-out, Asian dinner. I wanted rice and chicken curry and spicy vegetables. I was sick of sandwiches and pasta. Just sick, sick, sick.

I made friends with the other Malaysian girls and got the Asian dinner I was in desperate need of. I also got some cooking lessons. Slowly, I learned how to chop onions and garlic, how to stir-fry beef, how to make sure the chicken was thoroughly cooked. They taught me how to clean fish and squid properly [which I'm still not quite sure I can do on my own], how to fix a dish if it's too spicy/sour/salty so that it was yummy again.

My first attempt at cooking a 'proper' meal ended with me slicing my finger while trying to chop a cabbage. Pathetic, I know. My brother had to finish up chopping the cabbage. Despite that little incident, the meal turned out quite nicely. Feeling inspired, I looked up a few more recipes and tried them out.

It took four years of 'training' from many different girls [one girl would teach me how to make incredible bolognaise while another would teach me to make fluffy lemon cakes], but I finally managed to feel confident enough to prepare meals for the others.

Gone is the girl who squished the tomato every time she tried to slice it and in her place is a woman who can chop tomato after tomato without squashing them. A woman who makes a pretty darned delicious lasagna [if I say so myself] and can chop at least 3 onions before being reduced to tears. A woman who handmade her pizzas and lemon shortbread.

But still a lazy woman. [I only baked a lot in my final year because it's amazing what beating eggs and butter together can do for your stress levels. And chopping things up is quite an incredible outlet for your anger. I've been known to bake and cook at way past midnight in those days.]

Now, when I'm stressed, I pop down to one of the many eating spots and eat waffles. Which I'm not supposed to do anymore. I'm supposed to skip rope when I'm stressed now. But I don't know how. I only manage to do one, before getting tangled up in the rope. Although, to be honest, I've only tried about 4 times. *lol*

I'll give it another go later.

Oh, I'm not quite sure why I titled my post under that title. I don't even like cucumbers.

Speak Softly Or Not At All

"What can be said at all can be said clearly; and whereof one cannot speak thereof one must be silent."     - Ludwig Wittgenstein -

You asked me why I was silent.

Why I chose to look out the window instead of speak to you.

You thought that perhaps I was angry or upset with you.

Or that I was unhappy.

When, in reality, nothing could be further than the truth.

I'll tell you why I was silent.

I'll tell you why I looked out that window instead of speaking to you.

I didn't choose to stay silent because I was angry or upset.

Or because I was unhappy.

I stayed silent because I didn't have the adequate words.

I stayed silent because the English language doesn't have the adequate words.

To tell you everything I was feeling at the moment.

So, I stayed silent.

I stayed silent not because I was angry or upset.

Or even because I was unhappy.

I stayed silent...

Simply because I had no words.

Oriental Wonder

A few years back, when I was still a student in Swansea, I joined this thing that was a social network website. It was on the recommendation of 'A' [since we were doing the long-distance thing, he thought it would be fun to chat there instead of on regular MSN or Yahoo, for some reason that seemed to make sense at the time]. Anyhoo... it turned out to be a dating website. So I got loads of... "What are you doing here then if you're already in a relationship?" Erm... because my boyfriend told me to?

Anyway, I had my picture up on the site. So, one day I was just surfing through people's profiles and a man sent me a private message.

Man: Hi. Are you Oriental?

Me: [What the poof? Am I Oriental... like noodles?]

Me: [Curiosity piqued, which was the only reason I deigned to reply.] Erm... sort of.

Man: That's wonderful!

Me: [Rather taken aback at this display of excitement over my ethnic origin.] Oh... thanks.

Man: I'm so glad to meet you. You know what they say about Orientals? Of course you do.

Me: [Actually I didn't.] Erm... that we have good food?

Man: No. Oh, come on. You must know?

Me: Actually, no. Do you mean that Orientals are quiet and submissive? [Getting a bit peeved by now.]

Man/[TOOOOOOOOT]: No! That you Orientals are great in BLEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPP! I'm sure you must be too.

Me: [You twisted, prejudiced joirk!] [What I replied to this has to be edited out.]

That was the first time I've ever been referred to as Oriental. Usually, if pressed, I just answer that I'm Asian. Methinks that TOOOOOOOOOOOT has watched a little too many mature films.

Ah, well. There's always a first...

But prejudice does tend to land one in uncomfortable situations, yes?

Tagged: Scent Of A Woman

   This post is a bit overdue. A few weeks ago, Eim tagged me in her post about perfumes. So, now I have to reply and write a post about the different perfumes in my 'collection'. [Pssst... Eim, dah gik main tag2 aieee. Lelah kmk bah. Dah kmk lelah oleh hopping hipping tek.]

   So, this is the list of perfumes I have tried and the journey I had with each bottle of perfume.

1. 'L'Eua D'Issey EDP' by Issey Miyake. My mother gave it to me when I was 13, which also happened to be the first bottle of perfume I ever owned. Until now it remains a firm favourite of mine. I love the scent. It's so soft and subtle. 
2. 'Pleasures' by Estee Lauder. I bought this for my prom when I was 15, but discovered afterwards that I wasn't really into it as I initially was. I found it a bit too strong.
3. 'Sentiment' by Escada. I discovered this while I was out buying a birthday gift for a friend. I fell in love with it. I find it so romantic and sweet. 
4. 'Magnetism' by Escada. I picked this up on my travels, in Milan to be precise. It's a soft, fruity, fragrance. I loved Milan and every time I spritz this on, it would take me right back to Italy.
5. 'Cool Water' by Davidoff. I received this as a birthday present on my 21st birthday. It's very nice and refreshing.
6. Recently, I bought 'B-Spot' by Benefit. Again, because I find the scent soft and sweet.
   

   So, those are among the few scents that I've tried and bought over the years.

P/S I wanted to do another 'joke' post with this tag, but I don't dare because I've pulled one on her in a previous tag, so I'm afraid she might chase me with a kitchen knife.

Kung-Fu Panda

So, I had my first kick-boxing lesson on Monday night.

We stepped in and saw men and women putting on their hand wraps and boxing gloves, and I got a bit intimidated.

There they were, looking all professional and there I was, praying I wouldn't topple over after the first 10 minutes [I didn't. So, yey!]

We registered, blabla, then the instructor came over. He led us over to The Ring. Woohooo... we got to step into an actual ring. I was all pumped up and channeling Hillary Swank in Million Dollar Baby.

He took us through the warm-up and stretching... then came, The Kicking.

I couldn't really kick much because my knee was still hurting [from dance class - I know, so unfit!], and he didn't push me. But I felt very empowered all the same, even though the kicking bag barely made any sound when my foot came into contact with it. Oh, and I might have kicked when he hadn't told us to yet as the "Wait for me to tell you" line popped up a couple of times.

And I might have nearly gotten kicked by him a couple of times when I moved the bag before I was supposed to. [I was just spaced out by then. Hah, bet he regretted picking me as his partner.]

Then it was time for, The Punching.

Yeeeaaaaahhh... cue me walking around with boxing gloves feeling like a kid playing dress-up. Of course, the moment the gloves came on is the precise moment my shoulder started to itch. Gah.

Apart from the little incident where I accidentally punched my instructor while trying to execute the roundhouse punch [oh, and him telling me my elbows were nowhere near high enough], I thought it went pretty well. Even though he had to show me quite a few times how to punch properly. [I didn't know how to position my hands in those bulky gloves!]

I loved it!

I cannot wait for next week's class. [The instructor might run off in the opposite direction when he sees me. Not that I would blame him.]

Another thing I can check off my 'Things I Absolutely Must Try In Life' list.

I wonder if my friends would like to join me at the shooting range? I would love to learn how to fire a gun. [Don't ask. It's a Lara Croft/Charlie's Angels thing.]