I Do! I Do!

I was watching this show on the TV. I happened upon it while I was channel surfing [one needs to also exercise one's fingers], and it caught my attention.
I think it was called 'The Proposal' or something like that. Anyway, it was nearing the end of the show. The man ['The Proposer'] had set up a little 'corral' with a wooden table, etc. for him and his girlfriend to enjoy a glass of champagne. He had written a country song about their relationship and a woman with a guitar sang it.
After the song was over, he told her he had prepared a little game for her to play, called 'Needle In A Haystack'. Except, of course, it was a ring under the haystack, not a needle. So, girl finds ring, guy drops to one knee, proposes, girl tearfully says yes, guy slips on ring, yada yada yada.
Me getting all awwww on the inside and fighting the tears. [I am such a hopeless romantic.]
So, that was her perfect proposal.

My perfect proposal? I used to wonder about that a lot. I played different scenarios in my mind - moonlight picnic, balloons and rose petals, that kind of thing. I just knew I wanted something creative and thoughtful.

My perfect wedding? Thanks to Cinderella and all the other fairytale princesses, I wanted the whole perfect dress-perfect venue-perfect flowers scenario.

But that was then. That was Before Him. Before Him, I thought that I needed all those things to have a perfect wedding and marriage.

Now?

Cinderella can have her prince and carriage. All I need are... the ring, him, my family and the beach.

Hey, in my experience, you can never go wrong with a BBQ by the beach.

Her Place

He doesn't need her.

He has his family.

They give him everything he needs.

The things she wants to give him but cannot.

He doesn't need her.

He has his friends.

They support him and understand him.

They're always there by his side.

Just like she wishes she could always be by his side.

He doesn't need her.

She can't give him the things he needs.

She can't give him the support he needs.

She is the one who tries to get in.

She is the one who stands outside.

She is the one who doesn't understand.

She is the one...

Who is walking away.

The Decision: A Letdown

What was I to do?

The ringing was calling to me.

The phone was begging to be answered.

I had walked past this public phone hundred of times on my way to the university.

And on my way home.

I had used it many times to call home.

But never once had it started ringing just as I walked by.

It was as if Life was trying to reach me.

Who was calling?
Was it a wrong number?
Was it someone who would offer me a million pounds?
Was it someone who would recruit me as a secret agent?

So many times I wished for it to happen.

Just so I could experience it.

What can I say?

I have rather unusual thoughts.

So what did I do when the opportunity finally presented itself?

When I could finally answer that question in my mind?

I walked away.

I decided the fantasy was better than the reality.
What does that say about me?

The Decision: Inner Torment

   I stood there, frozen in place.

   My heart beat faster.

   My thoughts were spinning crazily.

   I was caught in the moment.

   Unable to come to a firm decision.

   I had often wondered about this moment.

   But I had never once thought that it would actually happen.

   And yet, there it was.

   It was a question I had asked myself many times, over the years.

   It was a question I could finally answer.

   And yet, I hesitated.

   The day had started off like any other day.

   Class, lunch at home, work in the evening.

   Now, this.

   What should I do?

   What was the right thing to do?

   I stood there and debated on what my next step should be.

   The seconds stretched into minutes.

   The minutes crawled maddeningly slowly by.

   I was almost tormented while trying to come up with a solution.

   I was excited and doubtful.

   Intrigued but hesitating.

   

   Thus concludes part one of this drama.

And The Verdict Is... Guilty!

Okay, confess. How many of you have signed up or joined something or just committed yourselves to a cause, but didn't follow through?

I know I'm guilty of doing just that on many, many counts.

When I was a little girl, I wanted to join ballet.

So, ballet classes it was.

I went to the first class, but sat by the side because I wanted to 'watch and learn' first.

I went to the second class, did about 10 minutes, before giving up and crying.

I never went to that third class.

When I was about 10, I really liked art.

So, my parents signed me up for art classes.

We went to the school, my parents paid for my lessons, and when they were about to leave, I started sobbing and wanted to go with them.

I held onto my mother's leg and refused to let go.

They had to go back in and get a refund.

I sobbed all the way home and never went to a single art class.

When I was 18, I signed up for a driving course.

I paid the first payment.

I never went.

When I was in my final year in Swansea, I decided to join Aikido.

I signed up with the Aikido Club and paid my membership fees.

I was so excited at the idea of learning an art of self-defense.

In my head, I was imagining myself as Kasumi from D.O.A. Or as Uma Thurman in Kill Bill.

I didn't go to even one lesson.

So, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty.

That's not including all the let's-ditch-the-chocolates-cakes-and-crisps-and-be-healthy plans that I've [barely] started and quit within days.

*sigh* I'm working on this though. No, really, I am.

Catching The Butterfly

I'm getting kind of tired of chasing after the butterfly.

I think I'll just sit and wait for it to come to me, if it so chooses.

There's only so much one can take before one grows tired.

I'm not going to wait around forever for that butterfly.

It's already bitten me once.

Anyway, while waiting for that butterfly, I think I'll make some Milo toast.

Some kind of grain bread, butter, and Milo are all I need. Yum.

Maybe it will tempt the butterfly to come to me.

At the very least, I'll have a yummy snack.

Transmutation Device

I just discovered that I had a magic transmutation thingy on my bedside table. Amazing, right?

Now, like any other scientific discovery, I'll have to present proof or evidence to support my 'discovery'.

The Proof:

1. My long green-handled scissors are now short pink-handled ones. [I have asked everyone who lives in this house if they have seen the green one, but nobody knows anything about it.]
2. I discovered tweezers under my pillow and my tissues are slowly disappearing. [When I asked, nobody admitted to touching my tissues and the tweezers are still unclaimed. Maybe I have a tooth fairy that deals in tweezers instead of change? But I didn't lose a tooth.]

Mystifying, isn't it?

I also seem to have a telekinetic device downstairs as the tissue box keeps moving around or disappearing altogether.

Remember: the truth is out there.

Caught Again! 8 Things

I've been tagged by ScoMan.

Here are the rules for this tagyou'reit game:

1. Each player starts with eight random fact/habits about themselves.
2. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
3. At the end of your blog post, you need to tag eight people and list their names. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged and to read your blog.
4. If you have already been tagged and do not wish to go through the exercise then let the taggee know.

Here we go. These are my eight random facts/habits about myself:

1. I just had a dream that I went shoe shopping with my mom and she told me I could only buy two pairs of shoes, then presented me with her 5 favourite pairs. I was torn between these snakeskin heels and leopard print flats, as well as brown heels with embroidered flowers. Then suddenly I was in a car with my friend and the car behind us was tailing us, so we called the police. But then the car behind us cut in front of us and drove off and when the policeman asked for my details, I refused to answer him and kind of hung up on him. This led to them showing up at my house. Freaky, right?
2. I like 'Project Runway' and 'Keeping Up With The Kardashians' and other 'reality' TV shows.
3. This is the third time I've been tagged this week. Haha. I'm still working on the other two.
4. I am obsessed with 'Pet Society' on Facebook. And 'Fashion Wars'.
5. I've just started reading James Patterson's 'Double Cross' and am already hooked, as usual. That man is a genius.
6. Right now, I wish I had woken up earlier so I could have joined my friend on her shopping expedition at Pavilion. I love the shop that sells those really cute and cheap hair bands/Alice bands. 
7. I'm struggling to come up with these eight facts.
8. I want to find out ScoMan's real name. Haha. Sorry, but I'm so intrigued by this.

Now I tag:

   Jaja, Eim, Aya, Ellie, Audrea, Maryam, A'a, Him

Oh, Choices To Make

   Well, I find myself conflicted at the moment. My parents asked me if I would like to go with them on a trip to Penang for a few days. I would love to. However, doing so would mean missing out on my dance class and having fun with my friends after and I risk losing the momentum. *sigh*

   Plus, there's also the risk of me going mad from hanging out with my sisters too much. And if I stay, I could catch up on my reading and some other things on my must-do-now list. 

   But then the images of pretty hair bands in Penang are calling out to me. 

   What do I do?!?

   It's a 6-day trip [which in itself is making me feel conflicted] versus 6 days of ultimate freedom and privacy. But Penang has such yummy food. Which will totally mess up my imaginary diet. Gaaahhh.

   Ohmygosh, so the drama over something so mundane.

   Blah.

The Good Intention

   Before I went grocery shopping, I always made a list. This is so...

1. I would remember to buy the things I really needed. [toothpaste, etc.]
2. To avoid buying the things I didn't need. [biscuits, crisps, etc.]

   So, a typical shopping list would generally look like this...

1. Onions, garlic, shallots
2. Basmati rice
3. Frozen peas
4. Red peppers
5. Chillies
6. Oil
7. Mushrooms
8. Pasta
9. Pasta sauce
10. Canned tuna
11. Chicken
12. Salmon
13. Chips
14. Milk
15. Cereal
16. Butter
17. Bread
18. Pears

   This is what I usually came home with...

1. All the things in the 'original' list
2. Frozen pizza
3. Walker's Sensations Thai Sweet Chili
4. Cappucino cake
5. Chocolate chip cookies
6. Glamour magazine
7. Walker's Cheese and Onion
8. Sushi
9. Ben and Jerry's Phish Food
10. Fish cakes

   Low willpower much?

   I always said Tesco [in Swansea] was my second home. Where else opens late at night, anyway? 

This Week In A Nutshell

   Weeeeee! This week I...

• went for my second kickboxing session + am starting to get really hooked!
• went for my second dance class + managed to keep up this time [and managed to stay coordinated!]
• printed out loads of recipes to try out... yum!
• written more stuff for my potential 'book' [any publishers interested?]
• am celebrating my dad's birthday... happy birthday, dad!
• am very proud of him for everything he has accomplished... you're fab!
• have been tagged twice... will get to is soon-ish, girls.

 

  Let's see what next week brings me.

Two Versions, Same Story

According to astrology.com, I am...

Your Sample Reading

Section 1: How You Approach Life and How You Appear To Others

Ferociously proud and somewhat vain, you like to be impressive and to be seen as Somebody Special. You are not timid, meek, or self-effacing, and are rarely content being in the background or in the subordinate position. You are a natural leader, and do not take orders from others very well. You must have something of your own, something creative - be it a business, a project, a home or whatever - that you can develop and manage according to your own will and vision. Whatever you do, you do it in a unique, dramatic, individual way. You like to put your own personal stamp on it.

Section 2: The Inner You: Your Real Motivation

Quiet, deep, emotionally complex and intensely private, you are not a person who is easy to get to know and understand. You are extremely sensitive but disinclined to show it, and you allow only a special few into your inner world. Like a wary animal, you are cautious and mistrustful of those you do not know until you "sniff them out". You are very, very instinctive and intuitive. You usually have a strong, immediate gut reaction to people, even though you may be unable to clearly articulate why you feel as you do. Your feelings and perceptions go deeper than words.

According to myself, I am...

Section 1: How You Approach Life and How You Appear To Others

Ferociously proud and very vain, I like to be seen as Somebody Special [as if you would not?]. I am sometimes timid, meek, or self-effacing, and am perfectly content being in the background or in the subordinate position [sometimes]. I do not know if I am a natural leader, but I do not have any problems taking orders from others [sometimes, depends on who's asking and how they're asking]. I like to have something of my own, something creative - be it a business, a project, a home, a blog, or whatever - that I can develop and manage according to my own will and vision [read: laziness]. Whatever I do, I do it in my individual way [unless otherwise instructed]. I like to go with my own flow, and I hate outside pressure.

Section 2: The Inner You: Your Real Motivation

I am sometimes quiet, occasionally deep, always emotionally complex and mostly intensely private, but I am not a person that hard to get to know but sometimes difficult to understand. I am extremely sensitive but [sometimes] disinclined to show it, and I allow only a special few into my inner world. I am mostly cautious but hardly ever mistrustful of those I do not know. I do not know if I am very, very instinctive and intuitive. I do usually have a strong, immediate gut reaction to people, sometimes wrongly, sometimes justifiably, even though I may be unable to clearly articulate why I feel as I do. My feelings and perceptions go deeper than words because I am sometimes at a loss for words.

There it is. I'm putting my personal stamp on my astrology report. Oh, crap. Does this mean that that's the more accurate version?

Losing My Voice

Sometimes, I want to hide under a table.

Sometimes, I want to hit a wall.

Sometimes, I want to get in my car and drive and drive.

Sometimes, I want to cry until all the pain disappears.

Sometimes, I want to just stare out the window.

Sometimes, I want to think of all the things I've lost.

Sometimes, I want to collapse on the floor.

Sometimes, I want to dwell on the past.

Sometimes, I want to tell you everything.

Sometimes, I really do.

But...

"Don't cry, it upsets me so to see you upset."

"Hey, it happens to everyone."

"Well, it's an experience. At least you can say you've experienced it at least once."

"Oh, don't be upset. It will all be fine."

"How ungrateful are you? You've been so blessed! There are people out there being abused or not having enough to eat!"

"Grow up and deal with it."

Which all amounts to basically the same thing...

"Quiet. Shut up, shut up, shut up."

Well, I'll tell you this.

"I know. I know all of that. But what I want to know is when I've hit a low point, will you be there to help me up?"

But I won't.

So, I'll just listen to what you tell me.

And be quiet. 

Sometimes I shut up and I swallow it all in.

Like I'm supposed to.

Like the adult I am.

So, I take it all in.

And I smile on the outside.

Like I'm supposed to.

For you.

So, you can tell yourself that everything is fine.

I'll close my mouth so you can close your eyes.

And, I still want to hide in a dark corner.

Because if I disappear, perhaps all the other bad things will as well.

P/S I'm not really writing about myself, in case any of my friends get worried. But I'm sure that at some point in time, all of us have felt like this. So, really, this was supposed to be some sort of poem, but I'm too lazy to figure out the meter, etc.

There Are Many Ways To Cut A Cucumber

When I first moved to Swansea, I didn't know how to cook - at all. Serves me right for running out of the house every time my mother wanted to teach me. The result? I spent my first week in a new country eating prawn sandwiches and cereal.

The second week I upgraded to ready-made meals from Tesco. I'm talking mushroom burgers and tuna pasta.] By the end of a month, I was seriously in need of 'real' food. I mean, a proper, full-out, Asian dinner. I wanted rice and chicken curry and spicy vegetables. I was sick of sandwiches and pasta. Just sick, sick, sick.

I made friends with the other Malaysian girls and got the Asian dinner I was in desperate need of. I also got some cooking lessons. Slowly, I learned how to chop onions and garlic, how to stir-fry beef, how to make sure the chicken was thoroughly cooked. They taught me how to clean fish and squid properly [which I'm still not quite sure I can do on my own], how to fix a dish if it's too spicy/sour/salty so that it was yummy again.

My first attempt at cooking a 'proper' meal ended with me slicing my finger while trying to chop a cabbage. Pathetic, I know. My brother had to finish up chopping the cabbage. Despite that little incident, the meal turned out quite nicely. Feeling inspired, I looked up a few more recipes and tried them out.

It took four years of 'training' from many different girls [one girl would teach me how to make incredible bolognaise while another would teach me to make fluffy lemon cakes], but I finally managed to feel confident enough to prepare meals for the others.

Gone is the girl who squished the tomato every time she tried to slice it and in her place is a woman who can chop tomato after tomato without squashing them. A woman who makes a pretty darned delicious lasagna [if I say so myself] and can chop at least 3 onions before being reduced to tears. A woman who handmade her pizzas and lemon shortbread.

But still a lazy woman. [I only baked a lot in my final year because it's amazing what beating eggs and butter together can do for your stress levels. And chopping things up is quite an incredible outlet for your anger. I've been known to bake and cook at way past midnight in those days.]

Now, when I'm stressed, I pop down to one of the many eating spots and eat waffles. Which I'm not supposed to do anymore. I'm supposed to skip rope when I'm stressed now. But I don't know how. I only manage to do one, before getting tangled up in the rope. Although, to be honest, I've only tried about 4 times. *lol*

I'll give it another go later.

Oh, I'm not quite sure why I titled my post under that title. I don't even like cucumbers.

Speak Softly Or Not At All

"What can be said at all can be said clearly; and whereof one cannot speak thereof one must be silent."     - Ludwig Wittgenstein -

You asked me why I was silent.

Why I chose to look out the window instead of speak to you.

You thought that perhaps I was angry or upset with you.

Or that I was unhappy.

When, in reality, nothing could be further than the truth.

I'll tell you why I was silent.

I'll tell you why I looked out that window instead of speaking to you.

I didn't choose to stay silent because I was angry or upset.

Or because I was unhappy.

I stayed silent because I didn't have the adequate words.

I stayed silent because the English language doesn't have the adequate words.

To tell you everything I was feeling at the moment.

So, I stayed silent.

I stayed silent not because I was angry or upset.

Or even because I was unhappy.

I stayed silent...

Simply because I had no words.

Oriental Wonder

A few years back, when I was still a student in Swansea, I joined this thing that was a social network website. It was on the recommendation of 'A' [since we were doing the long-distance thing, he thought it would be fun to chat there instead of on regular MSN or Yahoo, for some reason that seemed to make sense at the time]. Anyhoo... it turned out to be a dating website. So I got loads of... "What are you doing here then if you're already in a relationship?" Erm... because my boyfriend told me to?

Anyway, I had my picture up on the site. So, one day I was just surfing through people's profiles and a man sent me a private message.

Man: Hi. Are you Oriental?

Me: [What the poof? Am I Oriental... like noodles?]

Me: [Curiosity piqued, which was the only reason I deigned to reply.] Erm... sort of.

Man: That's wonderful!

Me: [Rather taken aback at this display of excitement over my ethnic origin.] Oh... thanks.

Man: I'm so glad to meet you. You know what they say about Orientals? Of course you do.

Me: [Actually I didn't.] Erm... that we have good food?

Man: No. Oh, come on. You must know?

Me: Actually, no. Do you mean that Orientals are quiet and submissive? [Getting a bit peeved by now.]

Man/[TOOOOOOOOT]: No! That you Orientals are great in BLEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPP! I'm sure you must be too.

Me: [You twisted, prejudiced joirk!] [What I replied to this has to be edited out.]

That was the first time I've ever been referred to as Oriental. Usually, if pressed, I just answer that I'm Asian. Methinks that TOOOOOOOOOOOT has watched a little too many mature films.

Ah, well. There's always a first...

But prejudice does tend to land one in uncomfortable situations, yes?

Tagged: Scent Of A Woman

   This post is a bit overdue. A few weeks ago, Eim tagged me in her post about perfumes. So, now I have to reply and write a post about the different perfumes in my 'collection'. [Pssst... Eim, dah gik main tag2 aieee. Lelah kmk bah. Dah kmk lelah oleh hopping hipping tek.]

   So, this is the list of perfumes I have tried and the journey I had with each bottle of perfume.

1. 'L'Eua D'Issey EDP' by Issey Miyake. My mother gave it to me when I was 13, which also happened to be the first bottle of perfume I ever owned. Until now it remains a firm favourite of mine. I love the scent. It's so soft and subtle. 
2. 'Pleasures' by Estee Lauder. I bought this for my prom when I was 15, but discovered afterwards that I wasn't really into it as I initially was. I found it a bit too strong.
3. 'Sentiment' by Escada. I discovered this while I was out buying a birthday gift for a friend. I fell in love with it. I find it so romantic and sweet. 
4. 'Magnetism' by Escada. I picked this up on my travels, in Milan to be precise. It's a soft, fruity, fragrance. I loved Milan and every time I spritz this on, it would take me right back to Italy.
5. 'Cool Water' by Davidoff. I received this as a birthday present on my 21st birthday. It's very nice and refreshing.
6. Recently, I bought 'B-Spot' by Benefit. Again, because I find the scent soft and sweet.
   

   So, those are among the few scents that I've tried and bought over the years.

P/S I wanted to do another 'joke' post with this tag, but I don't dare because I've pulled one on her in a previous tag, so I'm afraid she might chase me with a kitchen knife.

Kung-Fu Panda

So, I had my first kick-boxing lesson on Monday night.

We stepped in and saw men and women putting on their hand wraps and boxing gloves, and I got a bit intimidated.

There they were, looking all professional and there I was, praying I wouldn't topple over after the first 10 minutes [I didn't. So, yey!]

We registered, blabla, then the instructor came over. He led us over to The Ring. Woohooo... we got to step into an actual ring. I was all pumped up and channeling Hillary Swank in Million Dollar Baby.

He took us through the warm-up and stretching... then came, The Kicking.

I couldn't really kick much because my knee was still hurting [from dance class - I know, so unfit!], and he didn't push me. But I felt very empowered all the same, even though the kicking bag barely made any sound when my foot came into contact with it. Oh, and I might have kicked when he hadn't told us to yet as the "Wait for me to tell you" line popped up a couple of times.

And I might have nearly gotten kicked by him a couple of times when I moved the bag before I was supposed to. [I was just spaced out by then. Hah, bet he regretted picking me as his partner.]

Then it was time for, The Punching.

Yeeeaaaaahhh... cue me walking around with boxing gloves feeling like a kid playing dress-up. Of course, the moment the gloves came on is the precise moment my shoulder started to itch. Gah.

Apart from the little incident where I accidentally punched my instructor while trying to execute the roundhouse punch [oh, and him telling me my elbows were nowhere near high enough], I thought it went pretty well. Even though he had to show me quite a few times how to punch properly. [I didn't know how to position my hands in those bulky gloves!]

I loved it!

I cannot wait for next week's class. [The instructor might run off in the opposite direction when he sees me. Not that I would blame him.]

Another thing I can check off my 'Things I Absolutely Must Try In Life' list.

I wonder if my friends would like to join me at the shooting range? I would love to learn how to fire a gun. [Don't ask. It's a Lara Croft/Charlie's Angels thing.]

I Hear Mourful Hymns As I Find My Way Through The Forest Of Darkness

I hear mournful hymns as I find my way through the forest of darkness.





Aha! Caught you!
Now that I have your attention, you may as well stay and finish reading.
Sorry, but I do not hear mournful hymns. The closest thing to a mournful hymn I hear is my purse begging for the abuse to end. And my days of finding my way through 'The Forest Of Darkness' are hopefully over. [As I have thrown away my 'trekking' trainers.] Now, I only trek through 'The Labyrinth Of Desires', also known as shopping malls.
Anyway, it's all very 'Lord Of The Rings'-ish, isn't it?
Oh, I would enter the forest just for a glimpse of Legolas. [Yes, I know he's not real. Unfortunately.]
I'm rather bored at the moment, and sleepy as I am, I can't seem to sleep.
Oh, if only the stars could sing me a lullaby.
[Sorry, I'm in a rather melodramatic mood right now. I was absolutely scandalised earlier when I thought I wouldn't be able to find my ankle guards.]
Actually, forget the stars. If I were still sleeping in my old room in Swansea, with Jamie Foxx crooning in my ear, I'd sleep just fine.
I actually started out writing this post with something specific in mind. But apparently I've forgotten what it was.
Ah, well. Let's just go with the flow. [I don't follow the flow enough. If anything, I'm always trying to swim against it, or at least resist. Could it be my incredibly stubborn streak?]
[Err... no, I'm not stubborn. I'm a woman who has strong opinions and beliefs.]
Right.
I was thinking of making lemon squares earlier or some incredible-looking chocolate chip cookies I saw on Nigella Express. But I don't know where all the baking equipment is. Plus, my neighbours and my family probably won't appreciate hearing the banging that usually accompanies my efforts in the kitchen at 3.00 a.m.
Back to my futile effort to reach La-La Land.

The Perfect Blend

Some of my favourites...

1. chocolate + banana + whipped cream = perfect smoothie
   
2. pineapple + cheese = perfectly yummy snack cubes
   
3. books + me = perfectly contented me
   
4. pesto, mozarella + sundried tomatoes = perfectly delish toasted panini
   
5. pink + white = perfectly sweet colour combo
   
6. mangoes + mascarpone = perfectly great sponge filling
   
7. diamonds + me = perfectly dazzled me
   
8. Lilo + Stitch = perfect entertaining duo
9. rain, slow love songs, scented candles = perfect snuggling under the covers
10. Italy + me = perfect place for me
11. cream cheese, smoked salmon + caviar = perfect toppings for a bagel
12. hot bath + scented bubbles = perfectly relaxed me
13. toast, spaghetti hoops + fried egg = perfect breakfast
14. pasta + me = perfectly stuffed me
15. sunsets + beach = perfect scenery
16. daydreaming + me = perfect partners
17. rain + sleep = perfect sleeping environment
18. hazelnut coffee + cold weather = perfect way to warm up
19. shopping + me = perfectly de-stressed me
20. ice cream, whipped cream, butterscotch sauce = perfect sundae
21. him + me = perfectly happy

What are some of your 'perfect' blends?

I'm going to tag these people and find out their 'perfect' blends.

Eim, ScoMan, Aya, Nicole, Jaja, Mhea, Erin

Absolutely Wonderful

   I've just had a look at Mhea's blog and I was just amazed by this.

   Please have a look here. 

   I think what she and the others are doing is absolutely wonderful.

   Kind of makes you think and puts everything into perspective, doesn't it?

   So, here's to Mhea and the others!

   Keep up the amazing work!

And The Clothes Go Flap, Flap, Flap... In The Wind

One of the things I enjoyed about Summer was being able to dry my clothes in natural heat, as opposed to in the dryer [I have issues with dryers, after a few shrinking incidents].

We had a clothesline in the backyard, one of those reel-in ones [so fun to me, for some reason]. The only thing about it was that once the string was tightened, the clothes were suspended quite high in the air, like flags.

So, imagine my surprise one day as I was looking out the window of my room [bottom floor, overlooking the backyard], and saw that one of my housemates had hung her smalls up there as well, as opposed to using the clothes-airers like the rest of us do.

There they were, flapping in all their glory. I'm sure that people from a few houses over could see them as well.

I'm getting to the point of my story. Now, I don't want strangers seeing my things that they do not need to see. But a lot of people do it.

Just like I don't want to air my private things, I also don't want to air my dirty laundry in the blogosphere for anyone and everyone to see. But a lot of people do it.

The point? Just like those clothes were flapping in the wind, our dirty laundry will also get blown around. At least the clothes are held down firmly with pegs. The dirty laundry is going to travel.

Careful with what you choose to air out there.

P/S Oh, I just read this over and realised that it sounded a bit like I was telling people to censor themselves. Which I'm not. I love the fact that we have blogs where we can express ourselves freely, without having others silence us. I was merely suggesting filtering what we choose to say. For example, does the whole world need to know what XXX did to wrong you, in detail, when they've apologised, and you posting all about it would bring XXX great shame? Or something like that. Again, not censorship. Coming from this country, I loathe censorship. Just suggesting consideration for another's feelings. That's all.

Two Dimensions

One day, I was sitting in the cafeteria, taking a break from a study session in the library. While I was enjoying my pudding and drink, I thought I'd read a bit more of The Odyssey, as I had an exam for that module the following day.

So, there I was, alternating between reading and drifting off, when some people I knew came and joined me. They were also students there, but they were engineering students, whereas I was just an English and Classical Civilisations student. They're very nice boys, and fellow Malaysians.

This is how the conversation went:

Them: Hi, Riyya. Enjoying your book?
Me: Hey. Not really. I'm a bit stressed. I need to finish and remember this book by heart for my exam - tomorrow.
Them: [Looking extremely surprised.] Oh... you're... studying that book?
Me: Yes, I have to for this module I'm taking.
Them: You have an exam?
Me: [Thinking, well, yes, I am a student and it is part of university life.] Erm... yes, I do have a few papers actually.
Them: Oh. How many exams do you have?
Me: 6.
Them: [Looking even more surprised.] We thought you didn't have exams. Every time we see you, you're reading a book and looking relaxed.
Me: [*hissing inside*] Well, erm, I'm taking literature. I kind of have to read all those books. That's how I study.
Them: Oh, well, good luck on your exams.
Me: Thanks. I have to go back to the library now. I still have 3 more papers to study for. So, see you.
Them: Okay. Bye!

This is how the conversation ended:

Me gathering my books and walking away as quickly as I possibly could. Ooooh, I was so angry. Why do so many people look down on the Arts and Humanities students?

I did not choose Literature because it was easy. I chose Literature because it was what I loved. And to have people belittling what I loved really got to me.

So... as stated in my previous post...

One point of view gives you one perspective. One perspective gives you a one-dimensional picture. One-dimensional pictures paint a pretty flat view of the world.

One Dimension

One point of view gives you one perspective. One perspective gives you a one-dimensional picture. One-dimensional pictures paint a pretty flat view of the world.

Step out of the little box and look outside.

Climb over the fence and see the view from the other side.

And look. Really look.

There is no point in moving around physically but still stuck mentally.

There are so many perspectives and together, they paint such a beautiful picture.

You play an important part in this world. Your opinion matters. But yours isn't the only opinion that counts. The others play an important part in this world too. Their opinions matter.

You don't have to agree with everyone else. You don't even have to like everyone else if you really don't. But you should respect the fact that just as you are entitled to your views, they are also entitled to theirs.

Look and listen. You'll learn so much.

[This is a prologue to an upcoming post.]

Don't Play With Fire

Oh, it starts with an innocent "hello".

It grows into a casual "how are you?".

Then it develops into a full-blown conversation.

Slowly, slowly... you start enjoying these conversations.

You think nothing of it.

It's all perfectly innocent.

A little harmless flirtation.

Then you realise that you start looking forward to chatting with them.

You realise you miss them when they're not there.

Slowly, slowly... you break the other person's heart.

It may start off as innocent...

But eventually, someone is going to get hurt.

There's no such thing as a little harmless flirtation.

Especially when there are other people involved.

Be careful where you step when there are hearts involved.

One tiny misstep...

And someone gets burned.

Dance Dance Revolution

   I wanted it. 

   But I was afraid of it.

   I looked forward to it.

   But I wanted to run away from it.

   I really wanted it.

   But I kept putting it off.

   I wanted it.

   And I finally got the push I needed.

   And the support I wanted.

   I finally went for it.

   I wanted it.

   I faced it.

   I did it.

   When the moment came, I was excited.

   My heart was dancing with excitement.

   I couldn't stop grinning at my three friends.

   We joked, we laughed, we talked.

   We did it.

   And I'm so glad I did.

   And I'm so proud I did.

   Yes, I stumbled along at times.

   But I didn't give up.

   I finished it.

   And I can't wait for it to come next week.

   I'm going to face it again, with my three girls.

   I really want this.

   So, girls, let's dance! 

[So what if I looked like a panda having a seizure? I had fun. And I felt fabulous after. And pandas are so adorable.]

To Chase A Dream

So, the birthday celebrations are done with.

I had too many cupcakes [or fairy cakes] and other desserts.

Gaaahhh... if it had gone on any longer...

As wonderful as it all was...

There is no way I would be able to chase after an ant...

Let alone chase after rainbows...

And it's over those rainbows that my dreams await...

[They're definitely not waiting next door. Trust me, being the energy-conserver [read: lazy, lazy, lazy] that I am, I looked nearby first.]

As much as it pains me...

I have to bid farewell to the sweet loves for now...

Thanks for all the wonderful memories.

We'll see each other again someday.

Somewhere...

Somewhere over the rainbow...

Namanamanamana... NaBloPoMo

I decided to join in the frenzy of NaBloPoMo. It will give me that little extra motivation to work a little harder on my writing. Or at least, give me something else to do besides eating chocolates and watching The Simpsons reruns.

On that note, I thought I'd make some other changes as well [I make resolutions on my birthday, not on New Year's. My birthday is my New Year's]. I bought a skipping rope to motivate myself to exercise more, and get fit. My friends and I have also decided to join a dance class and a kick-boxing class, which should be good to burn off any excess shopping cravings.

I'll probably be too exhausted to hit the shops after the classes. So, that takes care of getting fitter and spending less. Taking part in NaBloPoMo should take care of my resolution to write more. So, that leaves the finding a suitable job bit. Which I'm also working on.

Hah. 27-year old me will be proud to face the world next year because of all the things 26-year old me will achieve this coming year. Get ready! I'm... coming... out... [Not that coming out.]

First, to sleep and get a good night's rest. Oh, and I hope I don't collapse after 5 minutes of kick-boxing.

For Everything Else...

Styling my hair: 40 minutes [40 minutes worth of electricity and almost half a can of hairspray]

Applying make-up: 40 minutes [cost of lip gloss, eyeshadow, concealer, etc. - more than I want to admit]

Deciding on 'the' outfit: [a very frantic] 20 minutes [20 minutes worth of electiricity and cost of outfit]

Picking the right accessories: 15 minutes [15 minutes worth of electricity and cost of accessories]

Choosing 'the' shoes: 10 minutes [10 minutes worth of electricity and cost of shoes]

Worrying about suitability of outfit to occassion: 130 minutes [130 minutes of electricity, etc.]

Feeling fabulous the whole night: Priceless.

Look on boyfriend's face: Priceless.

For everything else, there's Mastercard. Or Visa. Or cash.

Boo...

   So, Halloween has come and gone. I know, I know... that's old news. But I never got around to blogging about Halloween because I was so busy moping about around that time. [I went through a week of not writing anything, but thanks to scheduling, a post would magically appear even when I hadn't written anything on that day.

   My sisters went out and celebrated and came back with a whole load of sweets [which they refused to give to me, not even one, as I was supposed to be on a diet]. As I was too busy moping about, I declined to join in the Halloween festivities [a fact I regret as the photos have been posted and everyone looked like they had so much fun]. So, I let my sisters borrow my tiaras [yes, that's right... tiaras... because one just isn't enough] and my idea from a previous Halloween costume of mine [a forest nymph].

   Basically, that costume consisted of a green top, green skirt with leaves all over it [which took me simply forever to find], brown heels, a gold tiara with flowers and roses, and gold jewellery with green leaves. To top it all off, I had loads of green and gold eyeshadow and stick-on white stones. I don't think anyone quite got what I was supposed to be, but the important thing was... I got to wear my tiara. *big grin*

   I've also been a clown [back when my mom dressed me], a ghost with blond braids [again, my mother's handiwork], and a ghost again [still my mother]. My favourite is still the forest nymph, though. It even beats out the time I was an angel.

   I was an Asian angel. *laugh* I kind of ran out of time to find a white outfit, and the only white top in my wardrobe on that night that wasn't crinkled was a white kurta [Indian-inspired] top. So, the kurta it was then. And jeans. I was an Asian angel in jeans. I had white feathers and a silver halo in my hair, silver wings [which later kept getting squashed at the club], a silver wand [why not?] and loads of thick white eyeliner. I was an angel that kicked a.. 

   Oh, why did I have to mope around last week? I could have been a cat or something for one night [The costumes I considered before I started my moping were Catwoman, an artist, or a peacock. Yes, a peacock, or rather, a peahen (but it's the peacocks that have the pretty feathers), because I have some stuff with peacock feathers on them.].

   Ah, well. There's always next Halloween.

The Pretend Princess Says...

   Dear 18-year old Me,

   Midnight has come and gone.

   When that tiny second hand on the clock pushed the minute hand from 11.:59 to 12:00, it was officially my Birthday. [cue birthday song and appropriate party noise]

   A year older.

   Now I can no longer tick the 20-25 age group.

   I am now officially a proud member of the 26-30 group. [However, when I go celebrate my birthday with my friends, they have been instructed to refer to it as my 24th. A hex upon them if they break this girly pact.]

   [Remember when I used to lie about my age and say I was older? Of course you remember. You're me. Or, I'm you. Anyway, now I lie shamelessly and tell people I'm younger. I can't believe I used to tell people I was older than I actually was. Anyhoo...]

   Oh, big thanks to 'A' for being there when midnight rolled in. That was the best birthday present you could have given me. [Of course, if you want to give me more stuff, I would welcome them into my home. That huge stuffed panda would look lovely on my bed, hint, hint.] Seriously, thank you. L.U.

   [Oh, 'A' is a very, very special someone. But you'll see for yourself.]

   I was feeling a bit melancholic while waiting for this day to come. One minute, I would be ecstatic and full of excited anticipation, then suddenly I would get all mopey and upset. [My rights as a woman.] But now that it's actually here, it's actually quite nice. Sure, I will no longer be able to get away with saying I'm 18 [a tactic I used to avoid people stopping me to answer surveys - being below petite has its advantages], but I have a whole lot to be grateful for.

   [I know you had hoped to be married with at least one baby by now. Sorry to tell you that's not the case. Oh, and you still haven't landed that dream job. Wait! It's not all bad. Seriously. I'm happy. You'll see for yourself. Things are good. I have my driver's license! I know, I know... who knew I could actually get back behind the wheel after that little accident? Oh, and by this time you'll have great hair and great shoes and tons of confidence. And... the best bit? We did get to go study in the UK! So, that's one dream we got to live. Plus loads more. I don't want to ruin the surprise.]

   So my life didn't exactly work out according to plan, but hey, at least it's an adventure. Let's see what 26 is going to bring me. Hmm... 26... it's got quite a nice ring to it. Yes, I think I'm beginning to enjoy being a 26-year old woman.  

   [I may be 26 now, but I keep referring to myself as a girl. And I still haven't grown out of that cartoon thing. Still love watching cartoons.]

   Anyway, life is good. The only thing[s] that could make it perfect right now is a book deal [which I'm trying to work on] and a ring on my finger. Maybe by 27? But I'll take each day as it comes. As the great man said, "Life is what happens when you're busy making plans" [or something like that].

   

   Enjoy being 18! Quit worrying about things. Things have a way of falling into place - eventually.

Love,

The newly 26-year old Me