Yesterday's News

Trying to capture the memories again. The feel of the cold air on my face, my hands warm in black wool gloves. Smiling at something a friend once said. Sad because that friend is sadly no longer a part of my life. Remembering how funny and sweet and beautiful she is. Laughing at the memory of her facial expressions as she was recounting the story of a fallen beetle and the 'memorial' another girl wanted to have for the unfortunate beetle.

Regret at the people and things and memories I had to leave behind. The deep sense of loss of having to leave what I considered my home behind. The most heartbreaking 12 hours I have ever spent on a plane, including the time I first left behind my family to pursue what are now, alas, my broken dreams. It all feels like a lifetime ago, and it was, because it was a different life. An independent life, free to finally discover what I was capable of, still capable of. Free to grow into the person, the adult, that I am now. Free to try different fashions and cook different recipes. Free to embrace the newly found responsibilities and accomplishments as my own.

Free to dream. Free to love. Free to laugh. I did things I never imagined I would ever do in my life. I went on an 8-hour hike through the woods and waterfalls. I laid down in snow. I waded through melted snow and got soaked through up to my knees. I got on a coach [bus] and went to London. I got to see Italy, a place I've been dreaming of going all my life. I rode the water taxis in Venice, visited the boutiques in Milan, walked the cobbled paths of Florence, saw the Coliseum in Rome and ate gelato at all those places. I stood in front of the Moulin Rouge in Paris and went to the top of the Eiffel Tower. I flew to Athens and sat in the theater of Dionysus! A theater that the Greeks sat in to watch the very first plays. I was a part of history.

I mattered.

A Memory Uncovered

   I was going through some boxes of stuff [finally!] and I found some blasts from the past. I discovered my sketch book [full of pictures of rings], and my Psychology notes [full of doodles]. 

   When I flipped through the notes, I found... a note that we apparently passed around in class. It wasn't passed around in Psychology class though, as our Psych class was usually pretty small, and the lecturer kept a keen eye on us. 

   I think it's from my Anthropology class, judging by the participants in this note. I just laughed when I read through it. Oh, to be 19 and silly and messing around again.

Unnamed: [But it's me as it's in my writing. Figures I'd be the one who started the whole thing.] 

   Chris, ur looking sexy cos u wanna attract Mr. Ching, rite?

Unnamed: [But I think it's Chris.]

   Yes. To get more marks! *winking smiley*

Felicia:

   My God, as if Chris is like that... (she has her own guy)... Amee looks very cool too.

Unnamed: [Looks like Chris' handwriting.]

   [To Felicia] R U going out with u-know-who now? Is it confirmed? Btw, might go to Liquid tonite... *smiley* r u free?

Felicia:

   Chris, I am free, but no transport.

[At this point, there are many arrows pointing to respective names, so it's getting a bit confusing.]

Aimee:

   [to Felicia] No, me not. Thanx, but no. Me ok. U look

 cool. Everyday when I c u, u are always cool. He he he...!!!

Felicia:

   [arrow pointing to Aimee's name] good flatterer

Aimee: Badriyyah, so... wassup with ur date? He he he...!!! How'd it go? Felicia, u too. What's the story? He he he...!!!

 [Apparently that's how Aimee laughs on paper.]

Me:

  [arrow pointing up] It was as usual - ok, nice.

[Hmmm... I wonder who the date was with. I don't sound too excited.]

B: [too lazy to write my name, I guess]

   He is not my date! He's just a very close friend. But he's going back to Aus tonite. *sad face* [On the paper, I meant. Not on me.]

Unnamed: [looks like Aimee]

   Awww... poor you. Was it XXXXX?

Me: [With more arrows]

   No, XXXXX. *tongue-sticking out smiley*

Unnamed: [Felicia, looks like]

   Chris, there is no one and you-know-who cos it will never be, I do not think it can be. We shall remain friends... 

[Unfamiliar writing in brackets]:

   [Sorry to hear that...]

Unnamed: [Aimee, again]

   Oooh, ok. Got the picture. So, that means he's available? Hahahaha...!!! Just kidding!

[Hmm... she's changed her laugh here. There is a P.T.O. at the corner of the page. At this point, we have reached the end of the page.]

Still Aimee:

   But u will have other choices, so... "there are many fishes in the sea" *smiley face*

B:

   Ok. I'm bored. I've got a dirty joke. [Insert dirty joke and punchline.] 

Unnamed: [Chris, most probably.]

   What is P.O.T. sorry P.T.O?

Aimee:

   P.T.O. means please turn over. P.T.O. is for Chris saying.

[Eh? Saying what?]

B:

   [Insert more dirty jokes by me.]

The note ends. Apparently my jokes were not appreciated.

   Who was 'u-know-who'? I wonder where these girls are now. Poor Mr. Ching. So there you go, how 4 [or 5?] girls spent their Anthropology lecture.

   I wonder if I still have my notes from high school? Those would probably be hilarious, what with teenage angst and spurned loves and the usual high school drama.

I Heart Italiano

Hi, I'm writing this from Tuscany!

I'm falling in love every minutes here. Everything's just so gorgeous!


I wish I were writing from Tuscany.

Really, I'm just writing from Malaysia, after reading about Tuscany.

*sigh*


Back to hiding under the covers and pretending I'm eating pasta in a Tuscan cafe.

Bleurgh.

One Potato... Two Potato... I Choose You!

I made a decision.
I will stick to my decision.
drumroll please
I will not be an emotional eater.
From now on, I will be...
An emotional blogger.
This decision will save me...

1. money that will be better spent on books.
2. from further angst brought on by pound cakes and whipped cream.

This decision will also allow me...

1. to get in touch with my issues [or whatever] in a healthier way.
2. brush up my writing skills.
3. chase my rainbows [rainbow number 1: coveted career as a writer, rainbow number 2: please refer to my ticker factory on the sidebar of my blog].

No doubt the waffle guy will be saddened by my decision.

But, ah well, sacrifices must be made.

Tag! You're it!

I've been tagged by Erin in a meme!

So, here goes...

The Rules of Tag are:

1. You link the person that tagged you.
2. You post the rules on your blog.
3. You share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4. You tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
5. Then, you let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

Here we go...
My 6 things are:

1. I love to watch cartoons. Just love them. From the classics like 'Jem and The Holograms' to Mickey Mouse and Disney movies. 'Beauty and The Beast'? Yes, please!
2. I like cats, but only from a distance. I don't know why because I used to have one when I was younger, and I never got scratched or anything like that, but I just panic when one gets too near to me.
3. I used to want to be a dentist. Simply because I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up by my teacher when I was 10, and I thought 'dentist' was a suitably impressive answer. I grew out of that when I was 14.
4. My Yahoo Messenger is giving me problems right now and is refusing to be clicked. This is extremely annoying as I want to chat to my best friend, who is living in London.
5. Weirdly enough, I actually like a bit of turbulence on the plane. It feels like I'm on a roller-coaster or something. However, when I'm actually asked if I would like to go on a roller-coaster, I freak out and say no.
6. I like black olives but dislike the green ones.
   

Now, I will tag 6 people...

Eim, Nicole, Maryam, Audrea, Shannon Jay, Dzofeer.

Finally, to let them know that they've been Tagged!
Try it!

The Birthday Wishlist - Part 1 [revised - again]

1. the pretty white pearl hairband [Forever 21] [Got it for myself.]
2. the tiny cute pocketbook with brown feathers design [Forever 21] [Changed my mind.]
3. the pretty cream [or pink] quilted hair band [Forever 21]
4. the sweet sequin butterfly hair clip in pastel colours [Diva] [I got it for myself.]
5. the gorgeous black shoulder bag with gold buckle [Nose] [Changed my mind.]
6. the lovely XX perfume [Hugo Boss]
7. the adorable 'Happy Birthday' flats [Brera]
8. 'Rockferry' album [Duffy] [I'll get it myself.]
9. those gorgeous, gorgeous cream/beige/brown half covered, half open shoes [Nose] [Got another, similar pair.]
10. The yummy black strappy black suede platforms from Guess [MidValley's Metrojaya] 

P/S The list is NOT in order of preference

P/P/S I am available to be taken to the shops to pick out my own presents. Yes, I am THAT shameless. But really, I'm just helping out. I mean, I don't want my friends to spend money on something that I'm not going to like. So, there you go...

P/P/S I'm justifying being THAT shameless.

P/P/P/S Part 2 will be coming up as soon as I go on another shopping 'survey'. Just to further prove how shameless I am.

Through The Looking Glass

   Our similarities are what draw us.

   Our similarities are what bond us.

   I see you in me.

   I recognise you in me.

   And I don't feel alone.

   I don't feel like I'm the only one going through this.

   Your strength inspires me.

   Your joy enlightens me.

   Your wisdom illuminates me.

   Our similarities scare me.

   Our similarities keep me away.

   And I feel alone.

   I feel confused.

   Your weakness reminds me of my own.

   Your tears bring my own tears.

 

   I recognise you.

   I know you.

   I recognise myself.

   I know myself.

Will Think For Shoes

   Need help thinking?

   Let me unburden you.

   Let me help you.

   If you think you're alone, and have no one, think again.

   Or better yet, let me think for you.

   Call 1800-xxx-xxx.

   Remember, it does not have to be that way.

   [Children and teenagers under 18 should obtain parents' permission first. Network rates apply.]

It's Only Words... And Words Are All I Have

   Fact: The English language is the universal language. 

   Fact: I was an English student.

   Fact: I studied in Swansea University.

   Fact: Apparently, I do not speak English.

   Proof: A man with a very heavy Irish accent working at NTL called me.

   Proof: He had to repeat himself about 5 times.

   Proof: After 5 times of repeating himself, I still could not understand him.

   

   Conclusion: I had to apologise over and over, and tell him that I didn't mean to insult him. I simply could not understand him. He just laughed and said he would call back some other time.

   Fact: I've been reading books written in English, and writing in English since I was about 4.

   Fact: Apparently, my command of the English language isn't as strong as I thought.

   Proof: My friend introduced me to her housemate, who was from China.

   Proof: He said, "Do you study computer also?" [My friend studied Computer Science.]

   Proof: I answered, "No, no." [With a vehement shake of my head.]

   Proof: He looked rather taken aback and confused.

   Proof: What he had actually said was, "My name is Peter. What's yours?"

   Conclusion: My friend hissed at me in Malay, telling me that he just told me his name was Peter. I quickly apologised and told him I misheard him. Poor boy. He must have been wondering why this strange girl was telling him that his name was not Peter.

   Fact: We speak the same language, but words can be lost in translation.

   Fact: Accents are great.

   Fact: I need to work on my hearing skills.

The Rain Falls So The Roses May Grow

   Too much sun will kill a rose.

   Too much rain will kill a rose.

   A rose needs a balance of sun and rain to grow.

   A rose needs a balance of sun and rain to flourish.

   I love it when the sun shines down and lights my life.

   I curse the rain when it falls and brings tears in my life.

   After the rain, I feel stronger.

   The rain may bring the winds.

   But the winds will not break me.

   I will learn to bend.

   I will learn to grow.

It's Grumpy Bear! Where are the rest of the Care Bear family?

   This is why I should not be allowed to be on my own. 

   [Without a book. If there are books around, I should be fine enough to be left on my own. Well, most of the time anyway.]

   I get all mopey and emotional. I listen to songs on my phone [mostly sappy loveyouforeverdon'tleavemeeversorryforbeingstupid songs], and I start getting into the song.

   I imagine it's me the singer is singing about [my vanity knows no limits], and then my imagination goes yippeee-we're-free-to-skyrocket-out-of-here. Next thing I know, I'm dressed in a pink trench coat and boots, walking down a snowy street, lugging LV luggage [a la J.Lo in All I Have].

   This will usually be followed by an extremely complicated plot [all concocted by my hyperactive brain], accompanied by appropriately dramatic dialogue. Days Of Our Lives has nothing on me. If I'd actually written down any of this stuff, I probably would have enough material for 5 books that are worthy of Mills & Boon fame.

   Don't mind me. I'm just a bit grumpy from lack of sleep. And the fact that I tried on 6 pairs of gorgeous shoes and none of them fit [no size, looked awful on feet, etc.].

The Painting - Chapter Five

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I Would Like To Find This Child

   If you know who he is, please contact me. [You know who you are.]

   You may get a reward. [Seriously, only for you.]

Monkey See, Monkey Do

   One day, two girls looked up at the sky. It was a beautiful, cloudless day. The sky was blue, the sun was bright and the birds were happy.

   Another girl walked past them and stopped. She looked up at the sky, saw nothing, and asked the two girls what they were looking at. All she got in reply were two mysterious smiles.

   Her curiosity piqued, she stopped beside them and looked up at where the other two were looking. Another girl walked past, looked up, saw nothing, asked the others, didn't get a reply and joined them.

   On and on it went, until there was a crowd of about 7 girls there. This took about 10 minutes.

   "Seriously, what are we looking at here?"

   The two 'original' girls laughed.

   "Nothing. I just wanted to prove a point."

   The point? That most people, especially girls, are curious [read; nosy] and always want to know what's going on.

   *sigh* Proven guilty. I guess we just can't help it. Hey, otherwise blogs wouldn't be so popular now, would they?

The Birthday Wishlist - Part 2

To Climb A Tree

   It is the year 1992

 

   I was playing with my friends. They had a huge tree in their front lawn. We decided to climb it.

   I went first.

   I climbed a few inches, slipped a few inches, laughed the whole way.

   Oh, it was a coconut tree, by the way. 

   I tried and tried and I managed to get up a few more inches before slipping all the way down to the bottom.

   I laughed right all the way down, even as I landed on my bottom.

   I managed to rip my shorts along the way.

   A fact that we found hilarious.

   I tried, I failed, I picked myself up again and happily went my way.

   It is 2006

   I was out hiking with my friends. They wanted to go down to the first waterfall. I told them to go ahead without me because it looked like such a long way down.

   They went ahead and talked me into joining them.

   I went last.

   I was nervous that I would slip, even when my friends were waiting for me right there.

   I inched down slowly and yelled every time I felt my foot slide away.

   I managed to slide all the way down.

   I was relieved and excited.

   I did not want to do it, was talked into it, managed to do it [with a cheering section], and went my way.

   Oh, to be able to climb a tree, fall on my behind, pick myself up, and walk away without over-analysing why I failed again.

   

Make A Wish!

It's that time of the year again. The day I wait for eagerly starting from 6 months prior to the date. Tra la la la la... it's my birthday and I'll celebrate if I want to, celebrate if I want to. And I do want to! [Well, I will in a couple of weeks.]

I love birthdays. I love my little button that proclaims, "Birthday Girl 24 Today!" I shall forever remain 24 thanks to my magic button.

This extreme enthusiasm and joy I hold for my birthday subsequently causes great stress to my friends.

A week before my birthday, I would usually start planning what to do on the day.

A week before my birthday, my friends start stressing.

Now, don't get me wrong. I never expect a mountain of presents or loads of fuss [read: I would so love a surprise party.], but I just want to celebrate my special day with friends and loved ones.

[Mountain of presents optional, but gladly welcomed.]

My 23rd birthday was interesting, to say the least. It started at midnight when my housemates knocked on my bedroom door and led me to the kitchen [which was just next to my room, anyway].

They had a cake waiting for me with those damn trick candles. Then they opened the kitchen door and told me to look outside. I was like a child, excited and naive. While I was eagerly peeking outside [presents?], I got pelted with water balloons. Unfortunately, they hadn't quite filled the balloons with enough water and those things just would not burst. And they hurt! Gaaahhh.

But then it was present time and all was forgiven. I got a huge box of chocolates from one housemate [which made me gain 5 pounds, thank you very much!] and an assortment of little gifts from another [Huge mug with bits of chocolate and a stuffed toy and a gorgeous bracelet - I love those kinds of presents. Once, I got 3 bars of chocolates, a pair of earrings, a mini-stamp kit, a necklace, a little notebook and a few more things, from a friend. I loved dipping my hand in that paper bag, the presents seemed endless!]

After cake time, it was time for bed. It was Eid the next day, so I wanted an early night.

The next morning I woke up and desperately needed the bathroom. I ran to my door and yanked it open. Or rather, tried to yank it open. It only yielded a couple of inches. I tried again. Same result. I peeked through that tiny gap and saw a string tied to my door from the staircase. Ah, that's why I couldn't get the door open.

The staircase looked lovely though, with balloons and a banner. I looked in the direction of the kitchen and saw my housemate calmly sitting at the table, drinking tea. She was trying not to laugh. I was yanking and pulling at the door and calling out to her. She pretended not to hear me.

Then, thankfully, thankfully, the string gave way. I ran up the stairs to the bathroom and yelled out that I'd get her later.

Anyway, it was a lovely day, because of my lovely housemates. They knew how important my birthday is to me, and they went to all that effort to make sure I had a memorable day.

Thanks, girls! Love you all, wherever you may be now!

Now... to plan the big 2-6.

Tubular-shaped Thing?

This is from The Better Midler Show. One episode, she was supposed to take Stevie Wonder out to lunch. She forgot to book a suitably fancy restaurant and ended up in her daughter's high school cafeteria. She got her daughter to pretend to be a waitress, and when Stevie asked what the specials of the day were, her daughter answered... "Some tubular thing with sauce" [or something like that]. Of course, he knew all along where they were but he was just playing along.
Anyhoo, that completely cracked me up.
That led me to thinking about how I would describe other things. Such as spaghetti. Long strands of processed durum? Television - an electronic cube with moving images and sounds. Roast duck - roast poultry of the swimming variety?
That led me to thinking [See how my mind works? And people wonder why I'm so exhausted doing nothing all day. They see me and they think I'm doing nothing. Fact is, I think - A LOT.] about one of the most commonly asked questions - HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF? I hated that question in school, and I hate it now. I always felt so pressured to answer that. I have a limited amount of time, which meant a limited amount of words, to describe myself.
Usually, it was the usual boring spiel of "I'm XX years old. I have 3 sisters and 1 brother. I like to read and write. My ambition is to be a XXXXX someday." Now, I've pretty much got it down to "a chronic chocoholic, a wannabe writer, a pretend princess, a devoted shopaholic, a professional daydreamer and a superb sleeper - masquerading as an adult".
Hmm... that's still not really me, though.

100 Things About Me... [Part 1]

   Because I got tagged to do this.

1. 
   
2. 
   
3. 
   
4. 
   
5. 
   
6. 
   
7. 
   
8. 
   
9. 
   
10. 
    

   Orang-orang yang bijaksana dapat melihatnya. Kalau saudara / saudari antara golongan bijaksana, saudara / saudari tidak akan menghadapi masalah membacanya.

   Sekian, terima kasih.

  [English translation: Wise / intelligent people will be able to see it. If you are one of these wise and intelligent people, then you should have no problem reading it. Thank you.]

   For those who don't understand this line / joke, it's based on a really famous, really funny Malay black and while film called Nujum Pak Belalang.

Unstoppable

"I would be unstoppable if I could just get started."

There you have it.

It took a while.

It took some false starts.

But now I've started.

And I can't stop.

Don't hate me, hate the saying.

[Bear in mind I am still trying to get paid work and am online a lot to look for jobs online. So, while in Cyberspace, do as Cyberspacers do and blog.]

Kill 2 birds with one stone, as they say.

Who knows, someone might actually offer me a writing job after reading my blog.

I am available as a freelance writer, by the way, if anyone's interested. [James Patterson, are you listening?]

Two Letters To Make Three Words

                             AB CDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

The alphabet put us together.

Enough said.

A & B

To represent the three words I will tell him over, and over, and over, as long as I breathe.

Take me shopping!

Nice Girls Finish Last?

Me, when I was 15.
Typical schoolgirl, nothing special. Did not do anything spectacular, but never got into major trouble either.
I was just cruising along. I did break a few little rules along the way, like eating in class during break when you're supposed to be downstairs in the school canteen.
But sometimes I just can't be bothered.
So, there I was eating some chicken nuggets or whatever and a 'friend', who was a prefect saw me and came in. I asked her if she wanted some and she said sure.
Then she left the room and returned with another prefect to rat me out.
She got praise [and my damn nuggets], and walked away with a smug smile.
I got a scolding, and detention [and lost my damn nuggets to her].
Thanks to her, I spent the next lunch break picking up rubbish around the school compound. In a horrifying blue apron thingy.
Can we say b-i-t-c-h?

Me, when I was 20.
I got accepted and university and went to UK. It was my first time there, and my first time away from my family. I was terrified and upset enough as it was.
Upon arrival, a very nice lady from a volunteer organisation [that specifically welcomes international students at the airport] showed me around.
I had arrived at Heathrow and needed to get a coach to Swansea.
A man cuts in front of me in the queue and tells me that he just needed to ask something from the lady at the counter.
I said sure, go ahead.
He bought the last ticket to Swansea on the coach I wanted.
He got to go off.
I got a ticket for the noon coach [it was 7 a.m. when I arrived].
I was trying not to cry while sitting on the bench all alone, waiting for that bus to take me to Swansea. [The bus which, by the way, broke down outside of Swansea and we had to switch buses. At this point, I was openly crying. I was miserable and afraid I would not reach my accommodation in time for the 5 p.m. deadline. Plus, it was that time of the month. I know, nice.]
To this day, I still feel like breaking the liar's nose.
Unfair?
Yes, it was.

So, do nice girls finish last? I don't think so. But even if we do, at least we get to keep our dignity [which is not at all comforting when you're sitting alone on a bench for 5 hours]. Lesson learned, dignity still in place.

Now I'm a nice girl who stands up for herself. Hurrah!

Okay, who did this?!?

I wake up this morning.
I look in the mirror.
And I see...

A panda.

When did that happen?
How did that happen?

A panda with nice hair, but a panda nonetheless.
Big black circles around eyes - check.
Round body - check [minus the fur].

Now all I need is some bamboo shoots.

Then, it's off to China.

Panda signing off, to look for bamboo.

Crash, Crash, Crash And Burn

I rarely read the newspaper. Or watch the news. It's not that I'm shallow, but the current economic situation / political situation, etc. really gets me down. [Yes, I do sort of know what's going on. I'm not completely oblivious, though I sometimes wish I could just live in the jungle.]
Today, I decided to pick up the newspaper. Front page: horrible car crash that killed 3 people, including a pregnant newlywed and her unborn child. Flip over to the second page: continues the report from the front page. Page three: three more fatal accidents.
My heart just plummeted right there and then when I read those reports.
I started thinking about how dangerous it is out there and how people still think it's cool to drive fast. Well, it's not. Speed kills. It may sound boring, but is it not better to be a little bit boring but alive, than to be 'exciting' but dead? I mean, really, where does that get you? Nowhere, but your loved ones get to grief over you.
I always, always tell 'Him' to be careful. I'm a bore and a nag, but it's only because I care. There are so many reckless people out there. That's why I hate reading the newspaper.
That's why I sometimes wish I lived in the jungle [a predator-free jungle, obviously].
I'm quite a newly-licensed driver and this just scares me. Plus, I did experience a little incident of a van nearly hitting my car while we went round a corner because the driver of the van swerved into my lane without any indication whatsoever. I was terrified. Luckily, nothing happened, but thinking of the what-ifs just set me off.
I got home and burst into tears.
Some people should not be allowed on the road. I say, just give them bicycles or let them get the bus if they're going to be so reckless and inconsiderate.

Food Journey in Swansea

Lost & Found? I Seem To Have Lost My Life

Ring... riiiiinnng... riiiiiinnngggg...

Hello?

What the fiddlesticks do you think you're doing?!?

Erm... sorry?

Well, you should be sorry!

Who is this?

This is your life calling. You seriously have no clue what you're doing, do you?

Erm... no?

Well, just get out there and do something!

I am! I am!

Well, do better! You're not wasting me any longer!

Okay! Sheeessshhh..

Let me tell you about The Plan. The Plan was...

1. Graduate from university by 22.
2. Work for a couple of years.
3. Get married by 24.
4. Have a successful career for a couple more years.
5. Have my first baby by 26.
6. Be a stay at home mom or work from home.
7. Go back to work or become published author by 28.
8. And so on... have successful career... make loads of money... write loads of books... travel the world with my adoring husband... have adorable children... basically...
9. Have the perfect life.

That was The Plan [concocted when I was a naive 18-year old]. Now, you know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and men...

This is The Life.

1. Finish university at 23.
2. Did volunteer work for one year.
3. Came back to Malaysia before my 25th birthday.
4. Will be celebrating my 26th birthday soon and am still looking for a job.
5. Still trying to land that writing job.

*sigh*

I will be formulating a new plan soon, codename: Phase 2 Of My Life. It might include world domination. Would anyone like to join me?

Wear Your Heart On Your Sleeve, Your Words On Your Tee

I don't know why, but I just love slogan tees. Sure I get offended when people stare at my chest [how dare they stare, how rude!], but I simply adore them anyway.
I have one that says "It's Not The Style, It's The Content. And I'm Content With My Style", which I totally identify with. I have another one that says "Waste Your Life. Be An Artist", the irony of which I find amusing. My absolute favourite is the baby blue one that says "I'm A Nerd", which I think sums me up nicely. Sure, the graphics on it are of pastel-coloured baby monsters sitting around on giant electronic equipment with dollar signs [which I still can't figure out how exactly it relates to nerds], but it's just adorable.
I even get them for 'Him'. I wish I had one for all the different moods I'm in [but I don't think there are enough tees in the world to cover that].
But the ones I have will do nicely for now.
So, according to my tees, I am a nerdy artist [or artistic nerd?], who's content with her style, and life, even though she may be wasting it.
If I had one for what I'm feeling right now, it would say, "Sleepy Blogger Waiting For A Call From Someone Who Will Get In Trouble If He Doesn't Call Soon."

Says you, Says Me

Oh, my boyfriend comes to see me every day.

Mine calls me every hour.

My boyfriend just gave me a gold bracelet.

Mine can't keep his hands off me.

My man says he can't wait for me to be his wife.

Mine says I'm the love of his life.

What?

Your boyfriend only sees you on weekends?

Mine says he'll die if he doesn't see my face every day.

He goes to see his friend, instead of you?

My guy always puts me first.

He lets you go on long holidays, away from him?

My man doesn't want me far from him at all. He wants me near him all the time.

What?

You love this man?

How can you?

Are you sure he's serious about you?

Let me tell you something.

I've seen many couples break up because of what other people have said and think.

The only thing that matters is... what we know. 

Call me stupid, call me naive, call me clueless.

Thing is...

You don't really need to know.

Because...

I know.

And...

That's all that matters.

The Tiara

   Why? Because I'm 'His' princess.

   I'm also his chef and dish-washer woman.

   But I'm still his princess.

   And I love it.

   [Hey, never mess with a princess with a skillet in one hand and a wand in the other.]

   [Wait. Princesses don't get wands. Only fairies do. Oh, whateves. I'm a princess, if it's a wand I want, it's a wand I shall have.]

   [Sorry, I'm just lurved up at the moment. He's probably cringing as well when he reads this.]

   Kisses from the princess!

And The Cards Say...

One day, when I was 18, I took my little sister out to the mall. It was a Saturday, which meant, the flea market was on. We were browsing the stalls, buying beads and bangles, and other bits and bobs. Then my sister saw the sand art stall and just had to do it. So I left her in the careful care of the attendants and wandered off for a bit [not too far, I still kept the sister within sight].

I had only taken a few steps when I saw it. The stall. The stall with HIM. Him being Master X, the famous fortune teller / reader /etc. So, I decided to have a little visit with him. I took the whole package of face reading / palm reading / tarot card reading.

He read my face first. [I don't remember everything because this happened 8 years ago.] He told me, looking at my forehead, that I am forward-thinking and have a good sixth sense. Unfortunately, he also told me that I have an overactive imagination and likes to jump to conclusions. Guilty. Well, where else is my imagination going to jump to if not to conclusions? Hmmm... I can't quite recall what he said about my nose and chin. I think he said I get bored quickly. I'd get totally excited about a new idea and give it my all, for about a week, or until I got bored. He said I probably rearranged my room all the time. I do, but that's because I keep buying new things and having to rearrange my room to fit it all in. Oh, he also told me that my firstborn would be a girl, then I might get a boy, then another girl. What's with the 'might get a boy' bit? But I do remember what he said about my mouth.

He said that I am a very good storyteller. However, he said the stories I tell might not necessarily be true or real. I was insulted. Was he calling me a liar? [Presuming of course, that I bought into this stuff, which I don't. Well, not really.] Anyhoo, since I fancy myself a writer, of course I love telling stories. And a lot of my stories, while based in truth, are also creations of my imagination.

Then it was on to the palm reading. He said I will travel a lot. Joy. He said I will have a relatively easy life, and that I will always have people to help me. ]I have been blessed with a wonderful family and great friends who always help me out when I need them.] Then he said I might get married late! That stunned me. [I'm a deeply romantic person and totally buy the soulmate thing.] He said after I turn 24 or 25, I would have loads of men interested in me [I so do not! I only have my man, which is all I need really]. But that I would marry late because I was materialistic. I'm not! I love to shop but I don't care about brands and stuff. Gah. I was extremely upset at this point.

I asked him if the 'men' 'after me' were 'good men' and he said yes, just not rich. Which is why I rejected 'them'? What 'them'? Hahaha... I'm 25 going on 26 and I can safely say, there aren't any 'them' for me to reject.

I kind of blanked after that as I was so upset. I barely heard him as he read my cards, or if I did, his words didn't register.

Since that encounter, I have stayed away from fortune tellers. Obviously I don't deal well with being called a materialistic would-be spinster, who may or may not be the mother of 2 daughters and 1 son.

What's In A Name?

Well, apparently quite a lot. It all started with the whole Capulet versus Montague debacle. Parents spend months, sometimes searching for the perfect name for their child. All of which, brings me to this... the name of my blog.

I did not name my blog. My male counterpart did. He created this blog for me while I was away somewhere with no Internet access. No, I was not in the depths of the jungle [but close enough]. Anyway, one night 'Him' asked me if I would like a blog. I said, sure, why not, but not now as I had no means of accessing it. But he said he would take care of it for me until I could.

So, using an old blog of mine, this blog was created. Now, I love 'Him' for doing this for me, but when I look at other blog names/titles, and they sound ever-so-clever and ever-so-witty, I sometimes want a clever and witty name too. But I will not even dream of changing something that was created by 'Him' for me. So, the name shall remain.

It does have a meaning to it, though. It goes like this... the Arabic meaning of my full name, Badriyyah, is 'full moon' [which is why I'm so round, or so I claim]. My nickname, 'Riyya', in the original Malay spelling and meaning, 'Ria', means 'joy'. Now, 'Riyya', combined with the 'Su' part of my blog name [which comes from my family name 'Suhaili'] makes 'Riyya-Su.' Now, when the 'Su' part is twisted and put in front of the 'Riyya', it makes the word 'Su-Riyya'. A word which has no meaning in that spelling, but in the original spelling of the Malay word 'Suria', it means 'the sun'.

So my name, which originally means 'full moon', has been cleverly played with to make the word 'sun'. Which is obviously the opposite of moon. Gah. I lost my point. Anyway, you get my drift.

In honour of 'Him', I will dedicate the 'sun' part to 'Him'. Because without 'Him', this blog would not have been created. Tadaaaaaa...

I like to sometimes look for the meanings that might not even be there. Why? Sometimes I like to pretend I'm pretentious. Go figure.

This reminds me of the time I had to present a short story we studied in class when I was in college. I don't remember the title of the story, or the name of the author, but it was one of those stories that was full of symbolism and hidden meanings. I got stuck with it because I didn't come on the day everyone chose their stories. Serves me right for missing class.

Anyway, there I was presenting, slowly explaining each symbolism in the story. When I was finished, I was bombarded with questions. Most of which I was thankfully able to fend off successfully. Then a boy in my class asked, "But what do the barking dogs mean?"

I said, "They were just being dogs. It doesn't have a deeper context."

He said, "But there must be a reason for the barking."

I said, "Well, they saw a stranger approach, and being dogs, they barked. It's just their nature."

He said, "I think there was a reason they barked."

To which I replied, "Yes. They barked at the stranger because the stranger was potentially trespassing on the property."

He said, "I'm sure there was another reason for the barking."

I swear, at this point, I wanted to set some barking dogs on him.

I replied, "Well, I've analysed it completely and am sure there is no other reason than it being their instinct to bark at strangers."

This was potentially getting tedious.

He said, "Well, it's a deeply symbolical story. There must be another reason for the barking."

I wanted to kill him. I wanted to strap raw steaks onto his body and throw him into a pit full of hungry Rottweilers.

My lecturer saved the day. He told the boy, "There is no reason for the barking apart from what she just said."

Hurrah.

Talk about looking for meanings that aren't there.

I Want, I Need - Part. 3

   Was he trouble?

   Oh, yes, he was.

   Because of him, I couldn't stop smiling whenever he crossed my mind.

   Because of him, whatever I did, I couldn't stop thinking about him.

   Because of him, I've changed.

   Who else but him would [I'm sorry, I can't divulge anything more. I prefer to keep the private part of 'us' private.]

   Suffice to say, he inspires me, makes me unbelievably happy, comforts me, supports me, brings out a whole other side of me.

   Most importantly, he lets me be me. He accepts me for who I am. He told me what I could be. 

   I'm not going to say he completes me, because every time he has to leave me, I feel like something is missing, so he de-completes [I don't even care if that's not a real word] me.

   I will say that... even though I initially didn't want him... I thank Him Up There every night for giving me him...

   Because... I got what I needed, and what I [eventually] discovered I wanted [very much].

   [Even though, half the time I feel like killing him. Or at least, smacking him.]

   He's trouble, but he's mine.

   And I don't plan on that fact changing anytime soon.

Drift! But Do Not Drown!

   I know I've been playing too much 'Ridge Racer' [curse that PSP]. 

   I know I've gotten too 'into' the drift [as my constantly tilting head would indicate].

   I know I'm totally addicted to the game.

   I know all of this.

   How?

   Because, last night, when I tried to go to sleep, every time I shut my eyes, the image of my car drifting would appear. The more I tried to push it away, the faster the car moved. Damn that car. Going at insane speeds and making my head spin. 

   So, I  now refuse to charge the battery on the PSP so I won't be tempted to 'drift' again.

[cue theme music from 'Fast & Furious 3:Tokyo Drift']

I Want, I Need - Part. 2

We went to bed. He went to the guest bedroom and I crashed in the master bedroom with the other girls.

When I woke up the next morning [read, afternoon], he had gone. Apparently, he had a work thing. I got his number from my best friend. I also got something else from her. 

Yes, I got the news that he already has a girlfriend. A girlfriend that he's been with for a few years and is apparently planning to marry. Funny how that didn't come up during our conversation the night before. Especially since it was extremely obvious that I was throwing myself at him. Huh.

I texted him anyway. Oh, his number started EXACTLY how I said it would. How freaky was that? Literally, this is the man of my dreams. I guess I forgot to include the part that he should also be SINGLE and MADLY IN LOVE with ME. *sigh* I knew it was too good to be true.

And I only texted to ask how he was, nothing more. I'm a big believer in staying away from other women's men. I thought since he was such a nice guy, it would be nice to have him as a friend. No harm in that, right? 

I didn't think I would ever see him again, anyway. But, I did. About a week later. My best friend wanted to say her farewells to him before she returned to London and asked me to go with her. I didn't want to at first, but she talked me into it. Another friend came with us.

We went to Baskin Robbins and waited for him. And there he was. Looking even sweeter than all the ice cream in the place. [Yes, I was that in love.] He was even lovelier than I remembered. We talked. We laughed. And all the while I kept reminding myself that he belonged to someone else. Then it was over. [That was also the last time I ever saw him.]

When we were in the car, my other friend said to me that she noticed the chemistry. What chemistry? It was positively sizzling between us. Or so I thought.

Fast Forward 4 years later. [I stayed single by choice - I was so over relationships that wouldn't go anywhere. I mean, after meeting your dream man, what else could you do? Everything else was bound to be a letdown.] By this time, I was in Swansea. I was in my second year of university life. [HE was a husband and proud father of a gorgeous baby girl.] I met a long-lost friend online. She said she had someone she wanted to introduce to me.

He was 2 years younger - a total no-no with me. Based on that alone, I said no. But she was insistent. I agreed to just get to know him. He might make a good friend. He was back in Malaysia anyway, so it would just be a nice, harmless friendship right?

He was nice to chat with, very funny and easygoing. I started calling him just to hear how he sounded on the phone. I enjoyed talking to him even more. But it was just a friendship, nothing more. 

Fast forward 1 month later. I'm sitting in my friend's living room, waiting for him to come over. 

The knock came. I pretended to be chilled out and look cool on the couch. My friend got the door. And he walked in. 

I looked up and, as corny as this sounds, it was like electricity. Seriously. I just felt it. i don't even know how to describe it. I remember my first thought being... Oh, I'm in trouble.

Was I really in trouble?

Read on, dear reader...

The Painting - Chapter Four

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The Chase

Sitting in the car. My sister squashed next to me, sleeping. Dad's been driving for almost three hours now. I sigh. I look out the window and stare at the cars whizzing past us. I'm waiting for the trees and the cool air.

I sigh again and let my mind wander. Thought after thought flow past. Oh, if only I had a pen and paper. Here's an interesting idea for a story. I must remember that. Oh, that would make a lovely poem. I must remember that too. Look at that car. How fast does he need to go? Honestly, aren't people worried about their safety? Oh, go back to the idea for the story. 

Hmm... if I take this point and expand on the idea here. Yes, I see where I can play with it, spin it in different directions. Now, how about that poem? Oh, look, the trees are now in view. We're moving uphill now, towards the highlands. How lovely.

Soon, we can open the windows. Good thing too because it's so stuffy in here. Plus, my sister's head is now on my shoulder. Huh. 

Apparently, I dozed off. It's time to open the windows! Joy! The fresh air feels wonderful. The air smells so sweet, like flowers and strawberries. Yum. I'm really enjoying this. It's gorgeous. We reach the place. I jump out of the car. Feels good to be moving again after sitting for hours and hours. 

Fast forward to bedtime. I reach for my little notebook to jot down the idea for the story and poem. And... they're gone. I try and try and I just cannot remember them. I sigh.

Here I am again, trying to chase my thoughts before they vanish. And failing terribly.

The Love Of My Life That Was Never Meant To Be

This is the love of my life. It was love at first sight.

She is a beauty.

She is...

Esmeralda Night Sky

[by Melissa]

The Painting - Chapter Three

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I Want, I Need... Part. 1

When I was an art student [for about 6 months before my parents decided 'sitting around with a paintbrush' was not an 'acceptable' career], I spent many, many sleepless nights struggling to finish a sculpture or getting frustrated with sticking beads to a box. The worst part about those seemingly endless nights was the loneliness. When everyone else in the house was asleep, and you're trying not to cry from the exhaustion and stress, the feeling of acute loneliness was what really got to me.
I was single at the time and I just longed to have someone stay up with me and keep me company. Just to keep my spirits up. So, when the stress really got to me I would drift off and think about this man, my 'dream' man. I decided I wanted someone who was tall [to balance the fact that I'm super short], fair and neat, short hair. He wears glasses, because for some unknown reason, I think men with glasses are just so sexy. Since I was studying art and design at the time, I wanted a man who was also a designer, like a web designer.
I even gave him a name. At one point, I said his mobile number had to start with XXXXXX. He came from a similar background and liked almost the same things as me. He was also 4 years older than me, a fact I was insistent upon because I thought 4 years was the perfect age gap between a man and a woman.
Then I would go back to whatever it was I was working on.
Life goes on, as it does, and I quit art school and signed up for a different course. I was enjoying myself at the new college and forgot about my 'dream' man.
A few months later, it was my best friend's birthday and she insisted that I stay over at her house because she wanted me to go clubbing with her on that night. I was in her bedroom with a few other girls, trying to untangle the mess that is my hair when there was a knock on the door.
Since I was closest, I went over and opened it. And there he was - all 6'1, fair, with a neat, short haircut. I thought nothing of it at first. We went out to the club.
He tried to make conversation but it was just way too noisy. I did manage to get his name though. And it was 'that' name. After a few hours, we went back to my best friend's house and some of the others decided to take a dip in the pool. He sat by the pool with us and I talked a bit more with him.
He was a web designer, he said, and was 4 years older than me. I got up and went inside, and he came in and joined me. We just sat in the living room talking for hours [or, what seemed like]. He was telling me he was thinking of getting contacts and I told him not to, because guys with glasses are hot. We just went on chatting as the other girls flitted in and out of the house.
Until, finally, finally, we could barely keep our eyes open and decided to go to bed.
[No, I didn't go to bed with him...]
So, what happened with my 'dream' man? This man I so desperately wanted that I created every single detail of him in my overactive, sometimes overheated brain?
Read on...

The Painting - Chapter Two

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A Shopaholique's Guidelines

1. Never do to others what you never want others to do to you. [Don't be rude to salesgirls if they can't find what you want. How would you feel if your employer yells at you because you can't locate the file/document/article they want?]
   
2. A little courtesy goes a long, long, long way. [It's so annoying when people think they can cut in front of you in a queue at the cashier.]
   
3. Always, always make sure your mobile phone is switched off before you board that plane. [Being a fabulous shopaholique means you'll want to travel to check out all the malls in the world. It's incredibly annoying when people think they're above the law and insist on speaking on their mobiles when already on board the plane.]
   
4. Always, always make sure your mobile phone is switched off or on silent mode before the movie starts. [Shopaholiques need to find inspiration for more outfits, etc. from films. No, we do not think you're an incredibly important person who can't afford to miss a phone call. No, we're not impressed. We think you're a rude, dumb, inconsiderate twit.]
   
5. Nobody's perfect, everybody makes mistakes. Forgive and move on. [Even the most fabulous fashionista makes mistakes and wears the wrong thing. Get over it.]
   
6. Try to avoid paying retail for anything, except food. [If it's not 40% and above, it's not really 'on sale'.]
   
7. Never get pressured by your peers. Don't do it if you don't want to. [Just because it's the 'in' thing right now, does not mean you should get it if it suits you.]
   
8. Likewise, if you think it will be good for you, do it even if people tell you not to. [So what if it's 'last season'? If it looks fantastic on you, get it!]
   
9. Never go food shopping when you're hungry. [You'll end up buying way more than you planned.]
10. Never go food shopping when you're stressed. [You'll end up buying loads of biscuits and chocolates than you should. Then you'll beat yourself up about it after.]

The Painting - Chapter One

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My Life, One Chapter At A Time; Or, Dear Diary

Hi.

I don't know what's wrong with me. Lately, I seem to be making mistake after mistake. Like a snail, instead of leaving behind a trail of slime [gross], I'm leaving behind a trail of mistakes.

Today the family and I went out for dinner. The food was not exactly brilliant, but we had a nice time anyway. We went home after that, but before we left, I went to pay the parking ticket at the machine.

My mom came over to give me the money. One of the notes was rejected, so my mom was trying to put in another note. I was busy trying to dig out my car keys from my bag, whose contents would put Barney's magical bag to shame [if you watch Barney, you'll know what I mean - I've babysat the nieces and nephews plenty of times and Barney makes me want to shoot myself].

Anyway, we went back to the car. In the car, mom asked for the ticket. I'd assumed she'd taken it as I walked away before her. To sum it up, she thought I had it, I didn't, parents got pissed, brother went to look for it, it wasn't at the machine obviously, had to pay RM25 for a lost ticket. *sigh*

I couldn't even remember to take a parking ticket, which I'd already paid for, out of the machine. I don't know where my head is at these days. *sigh* Can you believe they let me help out a student with disabilities for a year?

The madness of it all.

Wilting Daisy

I don't want to be a wilting daisy anymore.

I don't want to just disappear.

I want to be a flourishing lily.

I want to bloom and grow.

I want to leave my mark on this earth.

I want to do what I was put here to do.

All Hail The Leaders

     All those mighty leaders of countries; the men people look up to. Successful, intelligent, talented men people trust to lead them forwards, to help make life better.

     All those mighty leaders that are taking us straight towards destruction. Selfish, up-their-a$$, greedy men people trust with their futures, to see it all spiraling downhill. 

     All hail the leaders. Thank you to the leaders for screwing up so many things - turning the people against you, destroying the economy... all because the leaders are so intelligent.