Yesterday's News

Trying to capture the memories again. The feel of the cold air on my face, my hands warm in black wool gloves. Smiling at something a friend once said. Sad because that friend is sadly no longer a part of my life. Remembering how funny and sweet and beautiful she is. Laughing at the memory of her facial expressions as she was recounting the story of a fallen beetle and the 'memorial' another girl wanted to have for the unfortunate beetle.

Regret at the people and things and memories I had to leave behind. The deep sense of loss of having to leave what I considered my home behind. The most heartbreaking 12 hours I have ever spent on a plane, including the time I first left behind my family to pursue what are now, alas, my broken dreams. It all feels like a lifetime ago, and it was, because it was a different life. An independent life, free to finally discover what I was capable of, still capable of. Free to grow into the person, the adult, that I am now. Free to try different fashions and cook different recipes. Free to embrace the newly found responsibilities and accomplishments as my own.

Free to dream. Free to love. Free to laugh. I did things I never imagined I would ever do in my life. I went on an 8-hour hike through the woods and waterfalls. I laid down in snow. I waded through melted snow and got soaked through up to my knees. I got on a coach [bus] and went to London. I got to see Italy, a place I've been dreaming of going all my life. I rode the water taxis in Venice, visited the boutiques in Milan, walked the cobbled paths of Florence, saw the Coliseum in Rome and ate gelato at all those places. I stood in front of the Moulin Rouge in Paris and went to the top of the Eiffel Tower. I flew to Athens and sat in the theater of Dionysus! A theater that the Greeks sat in to watch the very first plays. I was a part of history.

I mattered.